Saturday, December 27, 2008

One liners in a different way...

Fighting the shadows in my head, reliving each moment.






I'd rather say too much, than hold back my thoughts for you.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Trapped

I sit here wondering why
Questions
No answers

Emotions strike my heart, tearing at my soul
One moment at a time, I try to survive
Searching for reasons that will not be found

Escape is what I need
But I am stuck here
Navigating through something
It will not be solved

Screaming on the inside

Monday, December 22, 2008

Catastrophe, A Reality

Holding the wheel in both hands she is confident and relaxed. Friend by her side, laughing, at the beginning of their road trip. The weather is grey and dull but quickly becomes unfriendly with a nasty bite. She feels a bit tense, but it doesn’t really bother her too much. Works well under pressure. They’re on their way.

The heat is cranked, music’s on. It is cold outside; sky over crowded with thick clouds, trees covered in spectacular white blankets. The wind attempts to bully cars to move one way and then another. Indecisive.

She should have paid more attention to the red flags waving frantically in front of her. She should have listened to everything that was yelling at her not to go.

The road is covered with patches of a dirty dangerous frosty substance. A combination of sand, ice and snow. Avoiding them at all costs, the wheels pass around, as the car travels over.

Turning the wheel ever so slightly, she feels the tires starting to loose it. The ice teases the wheels to change direction. The car jerks left, set to collide with the freeway guardrail and the center ditch.

Adjusting her grip she manages to gain control as the car appears to straighten out. But just for a moment. The wheels kiss the ice for a second time as it convinces the car to change direction once again. They hold on as the disastrous ride begins.

The car dances in traffic, like a ballerina gliding across the stage under a spot light. A 180 flows seamlessly into a glide across three lanes and finishes with a jump into the snowy embankment, balancing on two wheels if only for a microsecond.

They brace for the inevitable, bodies tense, minds not keeping up with the movement. She is silent, calm and starring straight ahead. Not prepared for this, but she cannot make it stop.

Over they go, a flawless 360. Seat hugging her tightly, she is stiff from head to toe. Glass shatters, plastic snaps then crumbles to pieces, metal bends and deforms. CDs float through the air, purses and keys take flight fleeing the vehicle and escaping the scene. All in the stillness of silence. Landing with great form, all 4 tires hidden in the snow. Reality smacks her in the face. Wake up!

Surrounded by snow, glass shards and blood. She is still calm, listening to screams of ‘oh god’ coming from beside her. A quick check to her right she realizes that she is ok but scared. She tries to regain focus on the situation, everything is foggy. Her mind takes control and tells her what to do reminding her that “everything happens for a reason, do what you need to do.”

Searching the wreckage for passports, her friend is led away and out of the cold. Still sitting there she turns off the car, and plows the snow off her body. She feels nothing, not even the cold.
“I can’t find it, I can’t find it, I need my passport.”
She moves around as witnesses suggest she should stop moving, she could be hurt. She ignores their pleas and continues to fuss about.

Drops of something land below her face. Is it coming from the roof? She asks what is it and a man replies.
“It’s you, you’re bleeding.”
She feels no pain, feels nothing at all.
“Is it serious”
“Well it’s not that bad”
and with that she hushes his speech and continues to paw through the glass with bare hands, searching for their belonging. Gathering her things and putting it all in her purse, she stands and finally SEES what has happened. It is then the severity of the incident is realized.

Loosing control over her body, she shakes. Every muscle, every joint moves in an erratic jerking. She can’t stop. Blood has now painted the left side of her face trailing down her neck and tangling her blond hair in a ferocious red. Drip, Drip. It’s not stopping.

Her minds not working right. Her thoughts are all jumbled. This just isn’t right. Tears roll from her face mix with blood and paint the snow red. As she walks away from the car, she is guided to safety. Wanting to escape from this, get in her car and drive home she cries aloud, nothings held back.

The next hour passes in slow motion. Her pants covered in snow and soaking wet, her shirt is damp, body covered in glass bits and pieces. They’re everywhere. She continues to shake. How did she get here, how did this happen.

As she is driven away she can’t help but think why she is alive. Replaying each moment in her head she bullies herself with all the coulda, shoulda, woulda, what if I… These words eat her up inside. She escapes anyway she can, still trying to figure out why. Trying to find meaning in catastrophe.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Bitter-Sweet

I wish I could let you in my head to see what I see
Putting it to words just doesn’t seem to give it justice.

The things I feel, indescribable
The way I think, sincere

A bond
A link
A powerful connection

What is this?

Trying not to loose myself,
I feel the ups and downs too much

Step forward, now step back,
pause and hold it
Forward again,
we dance

I was scared to move
But need to go deeper

Opening up
Breaking barriers
I’m in too deep?

We ignored what was always there
What was just waiting to be noticed
Passion revealed, tough moments created

Our paths met and joined
Separated
Then crossed again

Now together we look out at the most beautiful storm
Wishing to move as one

I thought it was a dream
Until your truth surfaced with complicated emotions

Hanging off those words
Frozen for now

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Irresistible

They say it’s blind
It’s easy
But only comes along every once and a while

They say it’s special and different each time
And you’ll know it when you see it

When you’re looking for it
You won’t find it
When you want it
It won’t come
Instead it sneaks up when you least expect it
And takes you for a ride

They say there’s different kinds
Sometimes only lasting for a short time
But the best last, they’re eternal

They say to hold on to it, never let go
And to cherish it when you have it

Truth is its tough
And can really hurt

It’s hard to find
And even harder to keep

Yet we all still search for it relentlessly
Wanting nothing more
To feel it once again
To have it for a lifetime

Because the good the bad it doesn’t matter
It’s all so amazing

Thursday, December 11, 2008

...

Thick black clouds of life, take their seats on everyone’s shoulders. Heavy they take their toll. Lessons don’t come easily.

HOPE

You’re not alone
I’m still here
I won’t go

Stop those thoughts in your head and
Press
PAUSE

Empty you head and step back.

For some reason you can’t see what others do,
See it too and stand proud

Life’s a journey we travel alone
But the greatest part is sharing it with a select few

Happiness doesn’t come easy
We wouldn’t appreciate it if it did
We might not even acknowledge it
If it all, was easy

We are meant to fall
And to get back up again.
Grow stronger than before and take control

Stumbling over obstacles seems to take us out for a while
It’s ok

Keep that head of yours up
Look to the sky and
SMILE

Good things will come to you
Be able to recognize them
Hold on with all your might

Learn to see the beauty around you
And how lucky you really are

The bad can get you down
But the good will pick you up again

A torn heart, broken
Thoughts a storm
Brewing in your head
Seems so out of control
But wait

Listen

It’s you there in the silence
Fighting to get out

Have faith in life
In destiny
Your turn will come
Your turn is here

Friday, December 5, 2008

Taking MY Place

Head games
Mind games
Turn me inside out

Advice to others so simple
Principles so clear
Not so black and white

Learning to listen to me
Inch by inch

Living with my actions
Happy to be

Letting go and seeing life
Who are we standing at the brink of a storm?

Something’s coming that’s for sure
With a great strength it seeks me out

Ready for whatever it might be
I’m waiting patiently
Arms crossed
Mind running wild

Beating all the tests
I won’t go down
Creating my own path

I will discover my destiny
It’s just around the bend
Learning I was right all along

True potential straight ahead
Take the wheel and steer

Moving Through

Suspended in time
Everything’s still
No sound, No light, No distractions
Thoughts leaving, but lingering around
It’s not time for them to go just yet
They’re there as a reminder. Not too forget
Grays and blacks slowly fade away.
Sounds start crashing through
Love searches for you
A clearing opens up
Colors are alive
Better than before
Life takes over

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Fallen

Cold and damp, her head feels heavy.
Taking a look around she sees nothing but haze.
Clearing her eyes, she blinks until a picture exposes its self.

Branches above with fragile tiny buds.
Clear sky, warm sun, and green grass tickling the back of her neck.
She can feel bulky roots beneath her back.

Disoriented she tries to remember.
What has happened here?
She climbs to her feet and catches her balance, unstable in her own shoes.

She listens to the sounds around her.
Children giggle, loved ones chat and animals converse all at once.
She’s lost.

Rubbing her eyes, she feels a pain in her chest.
It’s broken but still beating.

She has tumbled a long way to end up here,
and has now forgotten how to soar.

She finds peace in helping others
and caring for those near to her.

Assuming her role.
Now on two feet planted firmly on the ground.
It’s much more work,
takes time and attention.

She knows not, what she’s become.
Yet, attempts to slowly piece the puzzle together,
knowing she will rise above once again.
Here for now.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Mysterious Fiery

Crashing into the ground with no force
No marks left to see

Silence speaks words
If you choose to listen
The answers lie there waiting
Visible if you open your eyes

Sounds create symphonies most ignore
Offering peace to those who listen

Overlooked by rushing life
Forced aside and forgotten

Feel everything, the good the bad
See the truth and speaks those words clearly
Hear the secrets floating around you

The beauty in the unknown
The beauty in you
Here and now

Friday, November 28, 2008

Single Word Meme

I've been tagged by Micheal at http://riveramichael.blogspot.com. I haven't done one of these in ages... so why not? If you would like to do one to cut and paste into your blog. Good luck!

Here's a little about me...

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Where is your significant other? None
3. Your hair color? Blond
4. Your mother? Amazing
5. Your father? Strong
6. Your favorite thing? Music
7. Your dream last night? Didn't
8. Your dream/goal? Motherhood
9. The room you’re in? Bedroom
11. Your fear? Spiders
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Unsure
13. Where were you last night? Pub
14. What you’re not? Normal ;P
15. One of your wish-list items? 64 Mustang
16. Where you grew up? Canada
17. The last thing you did? Taught
18. What are you wearing? Clothes
19. Your TV? OFF
20. Your pet? Cats
21. Your computer? Mac
22. Your mood?
Bittersweet
23. Missing someone? Sometimes
24. Your car? Accord-coupe
25. Something you’re not wearing? Socks
26. Favorite store? Don't-know
27. Your summer? Fun
28. Love someone? Always
29. Your favorite color? Purple
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Last week

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Mystified

What’s going on here?
I am not sure where am I
What are you doing, where are you going?

Clarity doesn’t come my way
The silence is peaceful, but it gives no answers
Fresh air takes my thoughts away for a moment
But they always come back

I am waiting for something
How long will it take?

Living a dream in my head
Can’t tell what’s real
What’s in front of me?

Life isn’t black and white
There’s too many shades of gray that take hold of you
Like an anchor you’re always tugging against

I don’t have the answers
Which way to turn
The urge to take the wheel
Instead I give it to you

I will let this be
Listening to the endless thoughts in my head
But taking no action for now

Time has brought me back to you
Reasons unclear

Slowly unwinding fate

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Lifes Robot

Here's a short story that I started recently... I haven't decided if I will continue with it.

Sounds of the heater fill the room. The house creaks and cracks adjusting to the warm air. The sounds of cars driving by are muted by thick glass. Curtain pulled back and tied with a bow. It’s better this way. The room is peaceful filled with the smell of sweet fruit. Everything has its’ spot, everything is in its place. This is where she belongs. For now.

A rustling begins. Her eyelids jolt, showing motion? Her feet kick back in response. Now moving from side to side as that peaceful feeling is torn away. Jerking her body in all directions, she sleeps?

Rolling back and forth in a battle, a tug-o-war with her normally fluffy blanket. She yanks on it. Hard. Trying to get comfortable. She’s loosing. Her head barely rests on a lump of something at the head of her bed. A pillow? She pulls again, this time while rolling for added strength and ends up planting her head against the wall. Owe. Peaking through the bottom of her eyelashes. Disoriented. She is blinded by the intrusive beams of light invading her room. It’s time. Tugging on the knotted mess in an attempt to shut out the light she finally surrenders to it and its undeniable power. It has won again. Her mind turns on as thoughts bombard her cocoon.

Opening her eyes there’s nothing but fog. Shut them tight. Lifting one arm after another she grows from a crumpled ball and spreads her branches. Her legs join in as she becomes as long as a tree.

Eyes wide, she examines her room. Lost in her thoughts. What day is it? Chucking one leg over the side of the spring mattress she finally gathers her head. What a mess. Her feet touch the clammy, fuzzy floor sending a shock through her body.

Like a robot, she blends into morning routine. Stripping down. Now soaking wet. Minty foam bubbles. Warm air dries her quickly.

Dressing the part she does up her neatly pressed blouse. Putting on her face, she assumes her role. Munching on tasteless cheerios she’s out the door, tea in hand, a balancing act while locking it all behind her.

Sliding into her place she turns the key and takes off. Red light stop. Green light go. Traffic stop. Radio on, protected in her bubble. Life goes on in her head. A tragedy non stop, learning to live with it again she settles into her seat. Making her way to work. Her morning comes to a halt as her bumper greets the one in front of her…

Good morning.

Destiny I Don't KNOW Your NAME

Destination is set
Goals in order
Seems so simple
Yet life keep getting in the way

Paths right there in front of you
Blind to see
In an instant a sign swerves the path of course

Tearing a new road
To get back to before
Finding yourself along the way

Challenges for the heart
Battles for your soul

Destiny playing tricks with your head
This is real

Quiet Voices

There’s always two
Tugging away

One pulls hard
Giving the other a chance to breath
regain strength

Builds his courage, he pulls again
Harder than before

The other releases and takes a
break

Back and forth
Time and again
This situation seems to always repeat

Heat in two pieces
Needing to be one again

Stepping back and looking at this
repeat
in different shoes

Its odd how it seems to happen
What is the significance?
Where is the significance?

Intuition says wait
Don’t act now
Hold on and live within each moment

Take it as it comes
And take the advice of your head
But always listen to the soft whispers of your heart

Times of our lives

Moments of great pain
Times of warmth and happiness
Conflicting actions torture our hearts and souls

But I say just let it be
Your time will come
When you are complete
And ready for the next stage

We must work to get there
And learn our lessons well

Struggles are hard
But there for a reason

Walking before we are
Allowed to soar

Time too Slow

Moving quickly
Feet faster than muscles can take
They cramp, tense and try to end it

Forward forward
Go and don’t stop

Emotions that make you sick rest all over
Head, stomach, nerves
A wreck

Gone

Slow down
Hold on
and cool it

Breath
and take it all in
Feel the pain
the sorrow
the urge to break down
And hold it

Let it build until you can’t take it
anymore
But hold it still

Let it hurt you and take its
toll
And just as it escalates, takes over your whole body
release it
and never look back again

Take the Dice and ROLL

I can see you’re torn
I can hear your hearts ache

I feel your desires
Even though you tried to hide them

Which way to go, what do we do from here?

Give me your hand
I will take the lead
My heart is yours to take

My mind worries about you often
While I’m learning to let it be

I have faith in you
Now have faith in me

It’s there
I know you can feel it
I sensed it all along

Confused
Excited and
Happy
A strange combination

There’s no need to worry
It’s your move now

Full Speed Ahead

Thinking of you
she smiles
A warm feeling over takes her soul

Like it or not she’s let you in
Doors open,
heart exposed

Afraid of pain, she deals with moments of panic
Like lightning they come without warning,
hit hard
and then disappear before she realizes their inner beauty

She wonders if her heart could deal with another attack
But curious to see where you might lead her

These fears remind her to remember herself
Never loose sight

She’s fighting an inner battle of
control
Between her heart and her head
In a match of power

What’s in store for her?
Is she ready?
Can she take it?

Wiping the thoughts away
She moves forward
full speed ahead.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

A little more jaded than before

Stepping forward
Two steps backwards

Racing thoughts
Keep her still

An allusion
A dream
Bewildered
Numb
Gone

Wanting hope
But giving up

Near you
So far away

Pushing away moments that once were
Searching for something
Lost more than ever

It happened again
Why have faith

Can’t find her way
The paths gone

Her minds just not working properly
Building a fortress for her heart- stronger than before
Jaded

A familiar Reflection

Concentrate
Look hard
Look deeply

Who is that there, starring back at you?
What do you see in this reflection of living?

A boy, A girl
Wonders, standing in the same spot
Who am I?
Who are we?

What have we done?
What are we to do now?

Two eyes of innocence
Doorways into the unknown
Open or shut them… tightly
Safe from the world

Questions pour out from this confusion
No answers now
Worries grow like weeds
Wrapping around each leg
Up, up, up they go circling each body

Don’t resist
Sit still and take it
Hold your breath
Wait
Now breath

Weeds disintegrate and crumble to the floor
Responses to questions with no answers show their faces,
in the reflection

It is you they are looking for
It is you they want
Take your place on stage
and prepare for something wonderful

Times Crossing

Standing at a crowded intersection she is overcome by too much, starring down her crossroads. Feet planted firmly at the edge of the sidewalk, not able to control her body as she wishes. A friendly gust of wind rolls in to play with flowing fabric and long hair. Taking her hair and pulling it up, twisting it around and over; in her face. Eyes closed she waits for it to pass. Gone for now but sure to return. The cold touches her back and sends chills up her spin. Frozen.

This intersection is busy. Expensive cars fly by in all directions. Red to green, green to red. Rain drip drops, politely touching cement, people and everything. Everyone is moving quickly around her. Their shoes pounding the side walk in strange beats. Click clack, thump, thump. Shuffling through the sounds she tries to find it. Feet float above the sidewalk as people push their way through the streets. Cars fall silent as they glide by without being. Voices fade away, mumbles nothing.

There it is, she’s found it. Like a sweet whisper it reaches her ears in kisses and fills her heart. A warmth takes over her body inside and out. Don’t walk. Yet. She watches everything in slow motion. Time to walk. He grabs her hand as they move in unison… right through it all.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Looking for moments

Silence
Thoughts crash, collide and knock you out
No exit
Too much

Damaged confusion slides in

LIttle girl

There once was a girl with big dreams
She set her goals and step by step
She reached each one.
Successful with all her endeavors

She is beautiful inside and out
She has a good life filled with moments of great happiness but also
great sadness.

With a determined mind and an internal strength she has challenged obstacles and prevailed.
Always remaining true to her self.

She often puts the needs of others first, not thinking of how she might be affected
She will go to great lengths to help those around her,
even if she does not know you well.

She has learned to smile through those tough times and hold in the tears
She holds those dear to her close and protects them from harm

Laughter keeps her young and her playful attitude keeps her going

Her intuitions are strong and usually right, however she often ignores them.
She strives for perfection but is far, far from it.

She puts her all into what she does, but does not feel like it’s good enough.
She will serve her heart on a platter, leaving it there exposed to everything
Yet she regrets nothing

She has learned a lot but still has a lot to explore.
She knows who she is, confident and strong but sometimes loses sight of her identity
and finds herself lost in her own head.

It’s those times of silence that are getting to her now.
She copes, ignores and pushes it away,
but like a raging fire it’s hard to stop.
She escapes through music and writing,
falling asleep with tears in her eyes.

Waiting for her heart to feel like it has before.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Young at heart

Her body ages
Yet her mind stays young
These changes affect her so harshly,
tormenting her ability to
Be

She struggles with these differences but keeps her head on

She cares too much,
about all those around her.
She lends a hand without thinking twice.
Think twice.

She knows what’s right
And has a firm belief of what’s wrong.

She’ll go out on a limb for you
and believe in you when no one else does.

She knows just how to comfort you and ease your tired mind.
She loves you for you, with no exceptions.
She will always be there
regardless of what you do.
She will not judge your actions, for she knows the true you
She has faith that this person will always shine through.

She understands that you are learning.
That you may trip and fall
But knows scratches won’t stop you.
She has seen you walk tall, she knows what you can do

So mom listen to this and hear my words carefully
You are loved more than you could ever know.
We admire your strength and your courage to glow in all situations.
Stop worrying about others and put you first.

You are an irreplaceable gem that is so precious to us.

Little SIs

An amazing girl bulldozes life with her funny wit.
Her confidence pours out in every action she takes.

She’s the life of the party, the bell of the ball
up for everything and anything at all.

Her heart has a crack that has been mended
for the most part.
She’s confused and not sure which path to choose.

She’s a little lost and a bit scared of the future.
She avoids the topic and does her best to steer clear.

She is stubborn and will hold a
grudge.
She has an outer shell that is tough.
Not many get through.

But catch her in a moment of silence
and you might get a glimpse of her
soul.

If you happen to be one of the few to
see
Consider your self lucky
You will soon learn about the truly beautiful person
she is

She will protect you from harm
while always making you laugh

Her words of kindness will help ease your worries
Those worries will soon drift away and out of sight as she always tells it
how it is.

She is whole and strong
And bulldozing her own path.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Save This For You

Save your self
She warns others
Speaking from experience
harsh lessons that had to be learned

Her past has been difficult
Actions chosen carefully
caring intentions not always giving her the results she wanted

But she is doing just fine
She’s whole and almost complete
She’s true to her heart
She’s nothing but herself

Goals set
Goals reached
She’s on her way

Now she speaks to others
and shares the hard lessons she has tackled
keeping in mind we must crawl before we can walk

Take what you need
Take what you want
Give it back
But always save yourself

Sunday, November 2, 2008

A stranger?

She walks slowly, clutching grocery bags
Stepping over mounds of litter she glances at the bare hills.
A tear rolls down her cheek

She seems to be having troubles
He notices
Tightening her grip she persists to drive her body forward

She stumbles over garbage
Airborne, apples flying
She greets the ground with a thump
Apples tumble down the street
Gathering herself and collects her belongings

Startled
A warm, calming delicate touch on her shoulder
Gracefully turning her body,
Unknowing of what was to come
of herself, of this place
She composes a smile

He hands her the runaway apples
Silence
She thinks she recognizes him
Feeling unsure, but safe in his presence
Standing on the curb, they stare at each others

A blank expression across his face
He gestures to shake her hand
Feeling uneasy
She crawls in her own skin, thinking about retreating

He opens his hand
A piece of paper
Moving his hand, closer
He gestures her to take it
Snatching it she turns to leave
Impatient with time

Opening the note she reads, “I’ll be seeing you”
Startled by the creepy feeling making its way up her back
She turns to yell at him

Vanished
Confused and full of questions
She quickens her walk
Leaving her feelings along the pavement as she goes

Down the street, around the corner
Arms getting heavy
Legs weaken
steps impact the strength of the sidewalk

Suddenly she falls
Down
Hard, damp, cold cement

She jumps up
Looks down
Only to see herself
Lying on the ground below

The man is now beside her
She notices something
She did not care to notice before
Wings
It startles her, as a wave of inner peace engulfs her soul

He motions to her to follow
She walks in his footsteps, leaving the ground behind

She makes her way
Only to know that the world she left behind
Is slowly falling apart

Teenage LoVe

One of my very early writings... from way back in highschool!

I love you

3 simple words
So complex
So difficult to deal with

To show to hide
What do I do?
Can’t tell you
Have to tell you

How do I show you?
How can I keep you?

Don’t run
Stay here with me

It’s complicated
Yet so simple
I want you
And all of who you are

Want me too
Or let me go.

Stuck

Walking quickly down the street with music blearing in her ears she breathes heavily. Why? How did this happen again.
Today she was in a car accident. A fender bender but a time consuming ICBC mess ready to take over her life. That stupid bitch why didn’t she just look while before she decided to back up.
One thing at a time she thinks to her self.
The song changes, delicate piano, and a peaceful voice fill her ears… she realizes, oh no: it’s a love song.
“If you could only see the way he loves her, maybe you could understand…”

She abruptly stops.
Chaotically searching in her sweater she tries to punch the next button but accidentally presses pause and then play then pause again.
Taking her ipod out of her pocket she wants noting but to put an end to this horrible sound in her ear.
Yet, in the midst of the silence she becomes aware of her surroundings.
That’s when she notices him, noticing her.
She half smiles half panics.
Oh no she thinks to her self I look horrible…
I AM STUCK

Slipping away

The smoldering hot sun reaches my shoulder and singes my skin.
The breeze quickly takes the hot humidity away from my body.
Unaware of my approaching tide, I sit and enjoy the warmth the wind and sun combine to make.
The sand is hot and scolds my body.
I lay back, put my head down and fall into a daydream.

An interview with tree...

Tree tell me about yourself...

I am not as old as some of the trees around me however; I have been here for several decades.
I have seen the tides rise and fall through seasons and daily routines.
I have encountered the hand of the Great Wind and held on with all my might.
My roots below are strong.
The cold winters test my survival skills yearly, while the sun encourages me to grow higher and bigger.
I have seen the hills slide and have adjusted my trunk for it.
I grew out and around to reach the suns rays faster than those hidden behind me.
The ground is good here; I am always well fed.
My green cedar bows are strong.
My neighbors hugs me daily so I know that I am loved.
Small creatures visit me form time to time and chat on my branches.
I live by the water that travels to the sea.
People pass me and don’t bother me.
This suites me just fine.
I am a tree holding up the earth around me and trying to reach the sun.

Lost in hundred mile per hour thoughts

My minds running and won’t stop
Too many things and no time to do them

I make my lists intending to remember the tasks that need to be done

Leaving the house I don’t realize the list is lying on the floor
Why have I done this once again?

At the store I am distracted by shiny things on the shelves in front of me
Reaching in my purse I find no list

What was I here for?
What do I need?

Finished

The silence around me engulfs my emotions
Like a big gray cloud that follows my every step

If you only knew what you were doing
You might have been able to help
Can we undue what we have done?

Intentional destruction

Wrote this one a few years back...right before a break up

You frustrate me to the point of tears.
I try to distract myself from the overwhelming emotions I feel inside but they over come my strong fa├žade and I cave,
I break into a million pieces and fall to the floor.

I would ask: “why you do this to me”
but I know I wouldn’t get a reply.
Why is this happening, why can’t I just let it be?

Your casual attitude and your non-caring demeanor strikes me as so strange.
How can one act this way?

I care about you.
I stand right in front of you my arms and heart open.
I am here for you to take.

But you don’t see me, you walk right through me.
Clueless of what I have become.
Clueless of what you mean to me.
This madness has to stop
Something must be done
This could never be

Innocence

Precious little angles
Dancing around the room
A sparkle in their eyes
A smile on their faces
They giggle with joy as they gracefully prance
Here and there
Keep them safe

Signals

My aching back reminds my body how tired it is.
The stiff feeling is familiar
My mind pictures a bed and my body wants to follow
Home I go

Rewriting a sentence


Rewriting this sentence:
“Casually he told her he loved her”


Smiling he looked deep into her soul and kissed her

Starring into her eyes he took he hand and gently kissed her

Deeply looking into her eyes he gently took her hand and kissed it.

He smiled looking deep into her eyes moved closer and kissed her.

Smiling he looked deep into her soul and kissed her.

He gracefully turned to her, smiling he kissed her soft lips

Tuning to face her he smiled and kissed her sweet soft lips

He kissed her with a smile

With a wink of his eye he gently kissed her

Glowing he turned and kissed her

Savoring the moment he kissed her gently

Whats your favorite?

Playing with words

Pure precious

A mischievous imp

Slowly drifts away, tainted by experience

Delicate, genuine intentions

A mischievous little devil

Tainted by life, slowly loses faith

The thought that counts?!

Devon: I brought you flowers

Tara: Wow, thanks
She walks to the sink looks out the window to notice the next-door neighbors garden usually bountiful with flowers, ravaged with footprints

Tara: On they smell beautiful they must have been expensive

Devon: Nothings too expensive for you!
Smirking

Tara: Oh, but the stems they are so tough. Could you help me cut through them?

Devon: Of course I can, I’ll come right over
Stomping his way over to the sink
Devon : here let me get that
He tries to pull them out of her hands, she grips them hard

Tara: hold on just a second I think I might have it
The flowers go flying, stems now headless

Devon: oops what a mess

Tara: yes, yes it is isn’t it…. just like Harriet’s garden

Natural abuse

These are some of my attempts... still not sure that I got it.

Take 1:
Virgin land untouched
Pure green surroundings
Slowly falls apart

Take 2:
A virgin landscape
Tainted, greedy wants and needs
Disposed nothingness

Take 3:
A virgin landscape
Now tainted by greedy hands
Disposed emptiness

Take 4:
Our virgin landscapes
Now tainted by dirty hands

Take 5
Our virgin landscapes
Now tainted by corrupt minds
Emptiness remains

Take 6
Virgin land untouched
Now clear cut devastation
It’s gone forever

Take 7
Virgin land untouched
Everywhere devastation
It’s gone forever

Unseen?

A young child picks a flower
Hour by hour
Gently placing them in a vase
Stopping to tie her shoelace
She sees something there
A picture, a glare
Reflecting in the glass
A familiar something
Home

Greatest Gift

Another character I was working on... Dialogue between a mother and her daughter

You know when I was little my favorite past time was helping my mother around the farm. There was so much to do you know and really it was fun. Even as a small child I would help by caring the basket for mom. She would check the hen house first and place them every do delicately in my basket. I remember one time I tripped, basket in hand and nearly sent the basket flying. But, there was mom, right beside me ready to catch me every time I might fall. She really was an amazing woman I wish you would have had the chance to meet her. My only regret is that I never told her how much she really meant to me, how much I appreciated all the things she did for me. Take my regrets and learn from them. You make sure the people around you know that you appreciate them, it’s the greatest gift.

Sketchbook ESCAPE

She sits on her bed, legs folded with a sketchbook resting on them. Her comforter is thrown on the floor along with her clothes and schoolbooks. Her room is filled with the smell of dirty clothes, rotten food and stale air. The glare of the ceiling lights reflects off her mirror and on to the wall to create a strange pattern of light. Her cat notices this and attempts to attack the wall. She smirks at spike and throws her a cat toy. She rests against the wall and a pile of pillows comfortably, although the expression on her face would make you think different. Her face is tense, eyebrows scrunched and lips pressed firmly together. Her eyes are focused on pages of her sketchbook. The door is shut tight and locked from the inside. They will have to knock.

Her room is overflowing with the sounds of punk/rock, screamo, music turned up to warp nine to drown out the sounds of her house.
She can’t hear them this way.
The windows in her room are small and high on the wall. She feels a chill on her bare arms from the draft sneaking in through the old single-pain windows. The chipping paint around them clashes with the freshly painted walls; a deep purple and white crown molding trim. Her walls are covered here and there with pictures of friends smiling, posing awkwardly and terrorizing the town. There are magazine clippings and short sayings pasted randomly on the walls, ceiling and the back of her door.
“The future belong to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”
“Live and let live”
“Believe”

She holds on to the sketchbook with one hand. In her other hand she ferociously draws on the thick pages of her book with a black marker. Her long deep brown hair falls into her eyes and on to her page. She stops suddenly, lets out a loud and deep breath of air and drops her marker. She reaches for an old tattered elastic and throws her hair up into a messy pony. Picking up her marker she goes to start again but hesitates. She studies the page and then slowly adds to it in a more relaxed manner. Frustrated, she turns the page and begins again, this time she pauses, listens to the beat of her music, taps her foot and starts in the middle of the page. Realizing she is pushing hard with her marker she places a newspaper between the pages to save the next page from running ink.

A bang on the door startles her. She stops and stares at it not moving. She hears a low muffled sound and replies with a
“Fuck off”
Why couldn’t she be an only child?
The banging continues. The door shakes and rattles with every hit from the outside. Frozen, she stops breathing, hoping the noise will stop. But it continues. The whole door shakes. It’s amazing that it has held up for so long, so many beatings. She reaches for her stereo volume and begins to turn it down. She can hear words now:

“Turn that crap down and listen to me right now”
“I will find my way in there one way or another”
She shudders at this familiar voice, fully knowing where it can lead.
“Ok, Sorry I was in the middle of doing my home work, just a second”
The banging stops and there’s nothing but silence. The creaking from the wooden frame of the house seems to be louder than usual. Spike is under the bed peeking out at the now still door. Still sitting on her bed she clumsily pulls up the mattress and slips her sketchbook in. There it is safe, hidden, it doesn’t exist.

She peels herself from the bed and begins to walk towards the door. Her heart is thumping, her footsteps shaking.
She thinks to her self ‘breath.’
She reaches for the handle stops, and picks up a black hoody and pulls it over her head leaving the hood on. Her hand trembles as she reaches for the doorknob again. Unlocks it,
and is bulldozed by the door swinging open into her face.

Character Sketches

Here are some character sketches I wrote a while back...

Oblivious to the world:
She sits on the bus listening to her ipod cranked up loud; the passengers around her can hear her music. She pays no attention to them. Keeps a beat with her foot and stares out the window. She is young and unaware of her surroundings. Her jeans are tattered around her right knee. She wears a band t-shirt and black converse shoes. Her backpack forces her to sit on the edge of her seat as she anxiously awaits her stop. She pulls the string abruptly, gets up and walks off the bus.

Unconscious actions:
About 5 9’ this older man walks with heavy footsteps. He has a huge gut but doesn’t seem to be affected by it. The sun is making him uncomfortable, he stares at it as if he were going to curse at the sun, he is sweating. The sweat drips down his face, along his ears and at the back of his neck. He walks through the crowd not moving out of the way for anyone. The sweat begins to bother him so he pulls up his shirt, reveals his big belly to all the people around him and begins to wipe his face. He takes his time and reaches for the back of his neck. The crosswalk turns to walk as he puts down his shirt and makes his way across to the other side.

A shadow of innocence:
She is nervous as other dogs come to greet her. Staying close to her dad, making sure he is in reach at all times. She is small and wearing a purple sun dress. She smiles at her dog and goes to pet it but backs away once another dog notices her.
She carefully places her foot in the water to reach a stick and throws it for her dog. Her brown hair gets caught in the breeze and blows into her face. She pushes it out of the way and looks for her sister. Slowly and cautiously she moves towards her sister. It seems as though her worries disappear as she begins to play around the water with her. She laughs and follows her sister like a shadow.

And they’re OFF:
He sees this is his chance to cross, he hobbles along with a bag hanging from one hand and a cane firmly griped in the other. His movements are awkward and almost look painful until you notice the smile on his face. Seeing as the light is still red he continues to hobble across the street, his expression turns to one of concentration. He focuses on the ground and watches his step. Ever few steps he looks up to see how much time he has left to cross. The hand is now flashing. He picks up his pace, moves a little quicker and makes it to the other side just as the light turns green and the cars accelerate. He slows his pace, relaxes his grip on his cane and continues his walk.

Contradicting behavior
He sits in the driver seat with a glare in his eye. Parked on the side of the road he waits. His music is on, he listens to the radio. He has a faded black baseball hat on his head and a white t-shirt with some printing on it. He picks up his phone and appears to be frustrated at the person on the other end. His hand begins taping on the rolled down window ledge. He throws the phone on the seat beside him as his taping hand increases speed. Faster and faster. He looks over to the passenger seat to see a girl running towards him. His hand slows and then stops. He unlocks the door and smiles as the girl jumps in beside him. He kisses her, shifts into drive and pulls into traffic.

I love Oranges

Mom’s going to have a baby again! That means I get to be a big sister twice. This time is going to be better because I am a big girl and I can do a lot of things. Last time I was only 3 so I didn’t know much about babies; that’s when my brother Brock was born. Now he’s two and I am five, I look after him. Right now mom can’t do too many fun things. That’s because the baby inside her is too heavy. So I go to school to do fun things with my friends. I think mom sleeps when I am in school. I walk to school with my mom, my brother (in a stroller) and my neighbor Ryan. Ryan is my best friend.

When we get to school mom reminds me that she will come and get me for lunch. I would rather stay home and take care of Brock today. But, mom reassures me “Sweetheart, it’s only for the morning.” Only the morning I think to myself… That is a really long time. It’s like half a day! I look around and see all the other children playing. Maybe I’ll play for a bit and then go home with mom. I tell mom “you stay here I’ll be back and then we can go.” After a few minutes I look up and see mom and Brock, Bye I wave to them and continue playing.

Now I am sitting on the floor in the circle area waiting for my teacher to get something from her desk. I look around and can’t find Ryan… oh, there he is sitting with some boys, I wonder why. I motion to him I am over here but he stays with the boys, oh well. There is quiet chatter all around me until the teacher calls our attention “Bonjour.” She smiles at us politely and waits until the chatter stops. She is gently holding a piece of chalk in one hand and wiping the board clean with the other. She pauses and then says something I don’t understand “Qu'est-ce que c’est ton favori couleur?” Then while slowly walking back and forth in front of us she says, “What is your favorite colour?” I remember mom telling me that I was going to learn French; this must be what she meant. The teacher pauses again. I sit up on my feet to get a better look when I am promptly reminded to sit with my legs crossed. I quickly adjust my body not understanding why and look up at the teacher who is standing by the chalkboard ready to write. She repeats the strange words and then asks, “Put your hand up when you are ready to tell me your favorite colour.”

This time I look around at my class and see the other kids’ hands fly up into the air automatically. I think to my self… What is my favorite colour? Well I can’t just choose one! What do I do? Everyone else has an answer, quick what is mine? How did they do that so quickly? I like green, blue, and purple, and pink because all the other girls like pink so I must too.

My hand is in the air even though I am still thinking about the question. Pick me first, I think to myself. I reach as high as I can, remembering not to sit up on my feet, even though I am sure if I did the teacher would pick me. Darn, she picked a boy, no fair. The boys seem to like blue but the teacher keeps saying “En Francais, Bleu,” ok so blue is bleu. Got it. Bleu, bleu bleu. My hand is still up, I want the teacher to pick me even though I don’t know what to say. The teacher must not see me so I decide to wave my hand back and forth to make sure she does. Finally she does “Chrysta Qu'est-ce que cest ta favori couleur?” Oh no, what is my favorite colour? I panic; “PINK” the teacher replies “rose”. Now I don’t get it, I said pink not a rose. But why did I say pink? I like purple more than pink! Too late, she wrote my answer next to my name on the board, and then calmly picks another student. Katherine says “orange”, the teacher says “orange.” Now I wish I said that, I didn’t think of that colour. Orange is a really nice colour, especially the fruit, I love oranges!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Locked from the INSIDE

Her hand trembling
She tries to reach for a bandage.
A chaotic mind, tense body and throbbing arm
The gauze rolls off the shelf and on to the floor,
making its way behind the sink.

Stretching her arm she inches the roll forward with the tips of her fingers.
SLOWLY

It’s dripping now.
What a
MESS.

Tearing off a piece with her teeth, tastes funny.
She tries to wrap it tightly.
Her attempt resembles a child’s first effort at tying a bow.

Its gotta
STOP.

Inhaling quickly while clenching her teeth,
Her jaw is sore.
She tries again.
She finds the scissors, cuts a decent sized piece and tries to s l o w her movement,
As her mind is panicking.

Wrap it, and wrap it tight!
She can feel her heart beating in her arm.
One b e a t after another.

Tying one knot on top of another,
it looks like it will stay.
It doesn’t look
PRETTY.

Glancing at the room she realizes the disaster around her.
Double-checking to make sure the doors locked,
she decides to start with the sink.

Holding the bag from the stainless steal trash bin in one hand,
With soggy toilet paper she wipes up the
streams of her.
Chucking the tie-dyed pieces in the bag quickly.

She moves to the floor.
Unrolling more and
MORE
toilet paper.
There sure is a lot.

On hands and knees
she makes sure to get every
last
DROP.

Like lightning she shoots up, standing straight.
She realizes it’s all over her tattered jeans.

Taking another roll of toilet paper.
She attempts to wipe it away,
but its still visible and it won’t
DISAPPEAR.

Madly rubbing her pants she’s only making a
Bigger mess of
HERSELF.

It was an accident,
a moment of weakness.

The scars say something different.

She throws on her black sweatshirt, letting the hood cover the top of her face.
She closes her eyes.
Opening them she sees
SPOTS,
pretty spots.
The room narrows and narrows some more,
as she feels her body
float
to
the
floor.

A hard THUD soon followed by a loud
CRASH.

Heavy footsteps echo through the hall.
They’re getting louder.

A bang on the door.
The knob rattles.
LOCKED
from the inside.

It flows from her arm and into the cracks of their pristine white tile;
Creating a unsettling picture among the groves.
Surrounding her.

The door stops shaking, the knob is still.
Footsteps back away and then return.
Faster and heavier than before.

The doorframe cracks, paint chips fly and tumble to the ground,
as the door screams across the room and into the wall.
The mirror shatters.

Crouching to her
he pulls up her limb body
holding her arm tight with a cloth.

Straightening one leg after another
He picks up her motionless body and cradles her head.
Tears dripping off his face.

Down the stairs
Out the door
And rushed to help
Someone please
HELP

Bella

She walks around with her heart in hand,
sharing it with everyone.
A heart of pure gold, so caring, so nurturing to those around her.
Putting herself out there,
over and over.
She forgets to put her self first.

She is so strong, but does not even know it.
She is only beginning to learn what she is truly capable of.

Her actions are always thoughtful,
while her words are chosen wisely.
She is conscious of how she acts and what she does
and how this might affect the people around her.

Acting on emotions, she criticizes herself too often.
She strive to be a better person
but, is blind to see she is already there.

She is learning one step at a time
And becoming a person that many would love to be.

The thoughts in her head seem to overpower those of her heart,
they’re much harder to hear.

So slow down bella, you’re doing great.
There’s no need for criticizing,
you’re well on you way.
Know that you are amazing and everyone around you can see it.
Look in the mirror and see it too.

Look long and hard at that reflection staring back at you and see this.

See a woman; a beautiful, strong, and powerful woman
that has achieved so much in so little time.
Recognize those eyes of honestly and that heart of gold,
They belong to you and are shared with all those you grace your presence with.

Have confidence in this,
Have confidence in you.

Now take this feeling and hold it in.
The warmth will keep you,
will guide you the rest of the way.
Your path has only just begun.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

A story too short

He came into her life and then left so quickly.
Their story is fresh and it goes like this.

Driving to meet him, she’s nervous.
She put this meeting off for a while now.
Not sure she was ready.
But now she finally got the courage and set the date.

Work ended late and now she’s going to be late.
She hates being late!
Hands on the wheel, foot pressed hard on the gas,
her hearts thumping, mind running wild.
She arrives and pulls into a spot.
Getting out she takes out her phone and dials his number.

“Hey, so where am I going?”

She walks towards the water and sees him.
Her nerves increase ten fold.
They lock eyes smile and hug hello.
It has begun.

They get a bite to eat and walk around chatting
The night passes in an instant.
They talk about everything and anything at all.
Immediately comfortable with each other, it’s a feeling she’s never felt.
It’s just easy.

He walks her to her car and says good-bye.
It is then that she notices her nerves left her.
Thinking back, she realizes they left her as soon as she looked into his eyes.

As she drives away she smiles to herself.
She sends him a text to thank him for the night and decides she want to see him again.

From here their story starts.
They laugh and smile, joking around and playing like kids together.
He appreciates her and she appreciates him.

She feels very fortunate to have met him and can’t stop thinking about him.
Things happen so fast.
For a moment she feels a panic, fully knowing the pain her heart can feel.
Not wanting to get hurt.
But in the blink of an eye the feeling quickly passes as he continues to make her smile and their relationship grows.
They are at ease with one another.

She is surprised at how simple things are, how familiar he feels.
It’s like they have known each other all along.
Their emotions grow together, they are open and don’t hold back.
Honestly is valued as they both have very caring ways about them.
Similar interests and ways of thinking make this an easy step for both.

He meets her close friends and her family.
To her surprise they all approve.
Something that has never happened before.

She can’t stop smiling from the inside out.
She has let go and let him in more quickly than she has with anyone before.

He goes away for business, which seems like forever.
They talk each night missing each other madly.
Counting the days until they get to see one another again.

Waiting impatiently to see him, she gets worried.
Why hasn’t he called?
Hoping he’s ok, she worries something has happened.
She has faith in knowing he will call, he always does.

When he finally does she wishes he hadn’t.
He’s ending it for reasons he’s not quite sure of.
An ex needs his help and he can’t split his heart.

He did it, and just like that they’re done.
Now for one last time, they meet to say goodbye.

They walk together to her spot.
She holds back, wanting nothing more but to kiss him, to hold him.
Tiny raindrops barely make a mark on the pavement and gently cover them in a cold blanket.

Stopping at the edge of the dock she looks to his eyes.
Don’t go.
Please stay here with me.
He explains he can’t, his heart is torn.
He wants to stay but needs to go.
Yet their chemistry is evident to everyone.
But no, their story has ended.

The rain begins to pour but they don’t move.
Captured by one another and the moment they are stuck in.
Their hearts ache together.

Finding shelter, they avoid talking about their situation.
Laughing together about nothingness.
But as their laughter ends and they are brought back to the harsh reality of them, and the feeling they can no longer have.
They are over come by the silence, starring into one another’s eyes

It’s the sad ending of what used be.
What used to be so perfect.
Sitting there with tears in their eyes, they don’t want to leave one another.
The pull is so strong between them, why are they ignoring it.

He walks her to her car and holds her close.
Under one umbrella they stand there, not making a sound while the rain pours down around them.
Not wanting to walk away they remain like this for some time.
He rubs her back and gently moves the hair from her face.
It is then he notices the tears rolling down her cheeks.
With one finger he lovingly wipes them away.

She wants to scream and run away.
“Why can’t you see me? I’m right here in front of you”
But instead she holds him tightly not wanting to let go.
Trying her best to be understanding.
Pulling her head back to look in his eyes she is taken in by him once again.
BREATH
Their foreheads touch, then their noses.
And then like two magnets their lips lock together.
She has lost all control over her body as he holds her tight and kisses her with an indescribable passion.

The world around them melts away. Sounds disappear, as all she can feel is him.

They must have said goodbye a million times that night.
But when it finally came time to leave, to hold in the tears and walk away, she felt so empty.
Their paths split as they drove away.
Broken.

Friday, October 24, 2008

missing YOU

Just breathe, she reminder herself
as she replays the memories of you;
Wondering if you were really here…

Going through the motions,
She makes it through day by day.

Life keeps testing her strength and putting her through so many hard lessons.
But some how she manages.
Time and time again she replies to these test by giving ‘life’
the finger and not backing down.

She lives her life with no regrets and a desire to help others.
But has trouble helping herself.

You see her heart is very cracked
from old wounds.
Those wounds are healed for the most part
but it seems as though something is missing.

She is searching for something she cannot explain.
Was it you?

She has her sad moments but feels comfort by a warmth from
deep within her.

Not knowing what to do, or where to go she is unsteady on her own feet.
Lacing up her shoes and grabbing her ipod,
she marches out the door, with no particular destination.
Seeking an escape from her own head.

She walks quickly, passing people on the street.
She smiles at them but rarely gets one back.
No eye contact.

Red turns to green
Don’t walk to walk,
as she makes her way down.

She ends up at the same spot.
This is her spot.
She escapes from her thoughts and can breath,
Effortlessly.

Yet you’re still on her mind.
She wonders if you think of her and if you are happy.

Her hearts been broken and broken hard.
But it wasn’t like that with you.
It was different.

Her heart sill hurts but,
it’s bigger than that.
She almost feels as though you took a piece of her soul.
When you left.

Not knowing how to get it back
Or what move to take,
she keeps her self busy to avoid the
Silence.
To avoid thinking of you.

Reaching a bench she sits.
Not to rest her body but her tired mind.
Taking in her surroundings she is captured by the golden sunset
just beginning to touch the top of the city.

A gentle wind swoops in, picks up her hair
and dances around her face.
The air is cool and crisp.
She closes her eyes and releases the frustrations,
while listening to the waves crash against the docks wooden pillars and then into the rocks.
Renewed for now.

She’s dealing the only way she knows how.
Knowing the situation is out of her control.
And believing she will be fine.

Destiny will come and find her when it’s ready.
She has faith in her happily ever after.

She sits there for you
You know where to find her
You know her heart is true.

Darkness falls as the light disappears
and the night turns on.
Not wanting to move
Not ready to leave
She is frozen.

She has run out of tears
and has nothing but hope.
You will not be quick to forget.

Time passes as she slowly gains control
Still missing you.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wishful Thinking

I can not judge you based on one moment
that is not who you are.
One situation does not define you
that is not who you are.
A glimpse of your demons
doesn’t make you a bad person.
I know who you are
When did you forget?

Break Away

She’s boiling in her own skin.
Tapping her finger faster and faster,
her rage grows like a tulip on steroids.

Can’t take it anymore, but what is she to do?
She’s stuck in this plan with no escape route.
No emergency exit.
How have things come to this and how has she tumbled down this path?

The sun shines around her, people smile and life goes on.
Her outside is only a facade.
She is stuck in this shell and can’t change it.
Taking each step as she was taught to, she continues on.
Forcing smiles, forcing laughter; forcing life.

Graduation

A Young
gIrl with
bIg dreams walks
out and into the
World.
The damage
is
donE

Goodnight

A candle lights the room. Shadows creep in the corner.
The furnace seems to be talking to the house, who replies with moans and creaks.
They are waiting for something.

Sucking up the last drops of wax, the candle burns out leaving a tiny little ember; smoking.
The shadows disappear, the furnace releases the heat and
The house sleeps.

See

Like a boulder I stood
Supporting your every move
I could see your struggle, your hidden battle
So I stayed as your support
My heart open and wounded

Taking no notice of this your proceeded carelessly
How can you be so naive and yet so aware of your actions?

You’ve hurt me without knowing it, one too many times
You don’t and haven’t realized what you have done

Instead it seems I am easily erased
All good deeds, support and care forgotten

So as I leave I tell you this
One day you will see what you have done
It will pain you as it has pained me
But take comfort in knowing I forgive you
For it was me guiding you
You were too blind to see

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Pretty Girl

Admiring her from afar he befriends the pretty girl. They laugh, enjoying one another in each moment. Desires are masked and hidden away. His feelings grow inside. Ignoring them he moves ahead, choosing words wisely.

He is strong and confident. Good intentions in mind seem to end wrong. Bad decisions have led him to dead end streets. She knows the facts, his history is clear. Chances are given and given again; taken away and crumpled up like paper.

True yearnings seem visible to curious eyes. An undeniable something is just below the surface. His heart in hand, the girl does not realize his true intentions.

Finding the courage to identify his feelings he takes a leap of faith. Diving off the cliff, tumbling fast. To his surprise she catches him. The stars dance around them for a night. Panic settles in, too much is known. She begins walking backwards. Hurting him with every step. Unintentional agony.

The rooms are filled with awkward silences and mixed emotions. Too many things must change for it to work. He is quick to turn cold, erasing their moment. And in an instant he is captured by the girl again; realizing he loves everything about her. Too many unknowns make commitment impossible. Their emotions form waves of hot and cold.

History is at his heals and about to repeat. Respecting him too much she is hurt from his careless decisions. She wishes he’ll grow to achieve his potential. Failing to move forward he reaches more dead end streets. She is sadden by his choices and hurt from his actions. All possibilities vanish as she walks out the door. She is strong and confident never looking back. He does not follow.

A pretty girl alone thinks about him. She has broken her personal tug-o-war, decisions are clear. He will never know, what’s gone.