Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Locked from the INSIDE

Her hand trembling
She tries to reach for a bandage.
A chaotic mind, tense body and throbbing arm
The gauze rolls off the shelf and on to the floor,
making its way behind the sink.

Stretching her arm she inches the roll forward with the tips of her fingers.

It’s dripping now.
What a

Tearing off a piece with her teeth, tastes funny.
She tries to wrap it tightly.
Her attempt resembles a child’s first effort at tying a bow.

Its gotta

Inhaling quickly while clenching her teeth,
Her jaw is sore.
She tries again.
She finds the scissors, cuts a decent sized piece and tries to s l o w her movement,
As her mind is panicking.

Wrap it, and wrap it tight!
She can feel her heart beating in her arm.
One b e a t after another.

Tying one knot on top of another,
it looks like it will stay.
It doesn’t look

Glancing at the room she realizes the disaster around her.
Double-checking to make sure the doors locked,
she decides to start with the sink.

Holding the bag from the stainless steal trash bin in one hand,
With soggy toilet paper she wipes up the
streams of her.
Chucking the tie-dyed pieces in the bag quickly.

She moves to the floor.
Unrolling more and
toilet paper.
There sure is a lot.

On hands and knees
she makes sure to get every

Like lightning she shoots up, standing straight.
She realizes it’s all over her tattered jeans.

Taking another roll of toilet paper.
She attempts to wipe it away,
but its still visible and it won’t

Madly rubbing her pants she’s only making a
Bigger mess of

It was an accident,
a moment of weakness.

The scars say something different.

She throws on her black sweatshirt, letting the hood cover the top of her face.
She closes her eyes.
Opening them she sees
pretty spots.
The room narrows and narrows some more,
as she feels her body

A hard THUD soon followed by a loud

Heavy footsteps echo through the hall.
They’re getting louder.

A bang on the door.
The knob rattles.
from the inside.

It flows from her arm and into the cracks of their pristine white tile;
Creating a unsettling picture among the groves.
Surrounding her.

The door stops shaking, the knob is still.
Footsteps back away and then return.
Faster and heavier than before.

The doorframe cracks, paint chips fly and tumble to the ground,
as the door screams across the room and into the wall.
The mirror shatters.

Crouching to her
he pulls up her limb body
holding her arm tight with a cloth.

Straightening one leg after another
He picks up her motionless body and cradles her head.
Tears dripping off his face.

Down the stairs
Out the door
And rushed to help
Someone please


She walks around with her heart in hand,
sharing it with everyone.
A heart of pure gold, so caring, so nurturing to those around her.
Putting herself out there,
over and over.
She forgets to put her self first.

She is so strong, but does not even know it.
She is only beginning to learn what she is truly capable of.

Her actions are always thoughtful,
while her words are chosen wisely.
She is conscious of how she acts and what she does
and how this might affect the people around her.

Acting on emotions, she criticizes herself too often.
She strive to be a better person
but, is blind to see she is already there.

She is learning one step at a time
And becoming a person that many would love to be.

The thoughts in her head seem to overpower those of her heart,
they’re much harder to hear.

So slow down bella, you’re doing great.
There’s no need for criticizing,
you’re well on you way.
Know that you are amazing and everyone around you can see it.
Look in the mirror and see it too.

Look long and hard at that reflection staring back at you and see this.

See a woman; a beautiful, strong, and powerful woman
that has achieved so much in so little time.
Recognize those eyes of honestly and that heart of gold,
They belong to you and are shared with all those you grace your presence with.

Have confidence in this,
Have confidence in you.

Now take this feeling and hold it in.
The warmth will keep you,
will guide you the rest of the way.
Your path has only just begun.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

A story too short

He came into her life and then left so quickly.
Their story is fresh and it goes like this.

Driving to meet him, she’s nervous.
She put this meeting off for a while now.
Not sure she was ready.
But now she finally got the courage and set the date.

Work ended late and now she’s going to be late.
She hates being late!
Hands on the wheel, foot pressed hard on the gas,
her hearts thumping, mind running wild.
She arrives and pulls into a spot.
Getting out she takes out her phone and dials his number.

“Hey, so where am I going?”

She walks towards the water and sees him.
Her nerves increase ten fold.
They lock eyes smile and hug hello.
It has begun.

They get a bite to eat and walk around chatting
The night passes in an instant.
They talk about everything and anything at all.
Immediately comfortable with each other, it’s a feeling she’s never felt.
It’s just easy.

He walks her to her car and says good-bye.
It is then that she notices her nerves left her.
Thinking back, she realizes they left her as soon as she looked into his eyes.

As she drives away she smiles to herself.
She sends him a text to thank him for the night and decides she want to see him again.

From here their story starts.
They laugh and smile, joking around and playing like kids together.
He appreciates her and she appreciates him.

She feels very fortunate to have met him and can’t stop thinking about him.
Things happen so fast.
For a moment she feels a panic, fully knowing the pain her heart can feel.
Not wanting to get hurt.
But in the blink of an eye the feeling quickly passes as he continues to make her smile and their relationship grows.
They are at ease with one another.

She is surprised at how simple things are, how familiar he feels.
It’s like they have known each other all along.
Their emotions grow together, they are open and don’t hold back.
Honestly is valued as they both have very caring ways about them.
Similar interests and ways of thinking make this an easy step for both.

He meets her close friends and her family.
To her surprise they all approve.
Something that has never happened before.

She can’t stop smiling from the inside out.
She has let go and let him in more quickly than she has with anyone before.

He goes away for business, which seems like forever.
They talk each night missing each other madly.
Counting the days until they get to see one another again.

Waiting impatiently to see him, she gets worried.
Why hasn’t he called?
Hoping he’s ok, she worries something has happened.
She has faith in knowing he will call, he always does.

When he finally does she wishes he hadn’t.
He’s ending it for reasons he’s not quite sure of.
An ex needs his help and he can’t split his heart.

He did it, and just like that they’re done.
Now for one last time, they meet to say goodbye.

They walk together to her spot.
She holds back, wanting nothing more but to kiss him, to hold him.
Tiny raindrops barely make a mark on the pavement and gently cover them in a cold blanket.

Stopping at the edge of the dock she looks to his eyes.
Don’t go.
Please stay here with me.
He explains he can’t, his heart is torn.
He wants to stay but needs to go.
Yet their chemistry is evident to everyone.
But no, their story has ended.

The rain begins to pour but they don’t move.
Captured by one another and the moment they are stuck in.
Their hearts ache together.

Finding shelter, they avoid talking about their situation.
Laughing together about nothingness.
But as their laughter ends and they are brought back to the harsh reality of them, and the feeling they can no longer have.
They are over come by the silence, starring into one another’s eyes

It’s the sad ending of what used be.
What used to be so perfect.
Sitting there with tears in their eyes, they don’t want to leave one another.
The pull is so strong between them, why are they ignoring it.

He walks her to her car and holds her close.
Under one umbrella they stand there, not making a sound while the rain pours down around them.
Not wanting to walk away they remain like this for some time.
He rubs her back and gently moves the hair from her face.
It is then he notices the tears rolling down her cheeks.
With one finger he lovingly wipes them away.

She wants to scream and run away.
“Why can’t you see me? I’m right here in front of you”
But instead she holds him tightly not wanting to let go.
Trying her best to be understanding.
Pulling her head back to look in his eyes she is taken in by him once again.
Their foreheads touch, then their noses.
And then like two magnets their lips lock together.
She has lost all control over her body as he holds her tight and kisses her with an indescribable passion.

The world around them melts away. Sounds disappear, as all she can feel is him.

They must have said goodbye a million times that night.
But when it finally came time to leave, to hold in the tears and walk away, she felt so empty.
Their paths split as they drove away.

Friday, October 24, 2008

missing YOU

Just breathe, she reminder herself
as she replays the memories of you;
Wondering if you were really here…

Going through the motions,
She makes it through day by day.

Life keeps testing her strength and putting her through so many hard lessons.
But some how she manages.
Time and time again she replies to these test by giving ‘life’
the finger and not backing down.

She lives her life with no regrets and a desire to help others.
But has trouble helping herself.

You see her heart is very cracked
from old wounds.
Those wounds are healed for the most part
but it seems as though something is missing.

She is searching for something she cannot explain.
Was it you?

She has her sad moments but feels comfort by a warmth from
deep within her.

Not knowing what to do, or where to go she is unsteady on her own feet.
Lacing up her shoes and grabbing her ipod,
she marches out the door, with no particular destination.
Seeking an escape from her own head.

She walks quickly, passing people on the street.
She smiles at them but rarely gets one back.
No eye contact.

Red turns to green
Don’t walk to walk,
as she makes her way down.

She ends up at the same spot.
This is her spot.
She escapes from her thoughts and can breath,

Yet you’re still on her mind.
She wonders if you think of her and if you are happy.

Her hearts been broken and broken hard.
But it wasn’t like that with you.
It was different.

Her heart sill hurts but,
it’s bigger than that.
She almost feels as though you took a piece of her soul.
When you left.

Not knowing how to get it back
Or what move to take,
she keeps her self busy to avoid the
To avoid thinking of you.

Reaching a bench she sits.
Not to rest her body but her tired mind.
Taking in her surroundings she is captured by the golden sunset
just beginning to touch the top of the city.

A gentle wind swoops in, picks up her hair
and dances around her face.
The air is cool and crisp.
She closes her eyes and releases the frustrations,
while listening to the waves crash against the docks wooden pillars and then into the rocks.
Renewed for now.

She’s dealing the only way she knows how.
Knowing the situation is out of her control.
And believing she will be fine.

Destiny will come and find her when it’s ready.
She has faith in her happily ever after.

She sits there for you
You know where to find her
You know her heart is true.

Darkness falls as the light disappears
and the night turns on.
Not wanting to move
Not ready to leave
She is frozen.

She has run out of tears
and has nothing but hope.
You will not be quick to forget.

Time passes as she slowly gains control
Still missing you.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wishful Thinking

I can not judge you based on one moment
that is not who you are.
One situation does not define you
that is not who you are.
A glimpse of your demons
doesn’t make you a bad person.
I know who you are
When did you forget?

Break Away

She’s boiling in her own skin.
Tapping her finger faster and faster,
her rage grows like a tulip on steroids.

Can’t take it anymore, but what is she to do?
She’s stuck in this plan with no escape route.
No emergency exit.
How have things come to this and how has she tumbled down this path?

The sun shines around her, people smile and life goes on.
Her outside is only a facade.
She is stuck in this shell and can’t change it.
Taking each step as she was taught to, she continues on.
Forcing smiles, forcing laughter; forcing life.


A Young
gIrl with
bIg dreams walks
out and into the
The damage


A candle lights the room. Shadows creep in the corner.
The furnace seems to be talking to the house, who replies with moans and creaks.
They are waiting for something.

Sucking up the last drops of wax, the candle burns out leaving a tiny little ember; smoking.
The shadows disappear, the furnace releases the heat and
The house sleeps.


Like a boulder I stood
Supporting your every move
I could see your struggle, your hidden battle
So I stayed as your support
My heart open and wounded

Taking no notice of this your proceeded carelessly
How can you be so naive and yet so aware of your actions?

You’ve hurt me without knowing it, one too many times
You don’t and haven’t realized what you have done

Instead it seems I am easily erased
All good deeds, support and care forgotten

So as I leave I tell you this
One day you will see what you have done
It will pain you as it has pained me
But take comfort in knowing I forgive you
For it was me guiding you
You were too blind to see

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Pretty Girl

Admiring her from afar he befriends the pretty girl. They laugh, enjoying one another in each moment. Desires are masked and hidden away. His feelings grow inside. Ignoring them he moves ahead, choosing words wisely.

He is strong and confident. Good intentions in mind seem to end wrong. Bad decisions have led him to dead end streets. She knows the facts, his history is clear. Chances are given and given again; taken away and crumpled up like paper.

True yearnings seem visible to curious eyes. An undeniable something is just below the surface. His heart in hand, the girl does not realize his true intentions.

Finding the courage to identify his feelings he takes a leap of faith. Diving off the cliff, tumbling fast. To his surprise she catches him. The stars dance around them for a night. Panic settles in, too much is known. She begins walking backwards. Hurting him with every step. Unintentional agony.

The rooms are filled with awkward silences and mixed emotions. Too many things must change for it to work. He is quick to turn cold, erasing their moment. And in an instant he is captured by the girl again; realizing he loves everything about her. Too many unknowns make commitment impossible. Their emotions form waves of hot and cold.

History is at his heals and about to repeat. Respecting him too much she is hurt from his careless decisions. She wishes he’ll grow to achieve his potential. Failing to move forward he reaches more dead end streets. She is sadden by his choices and hurt from his actions. All possibilities vanish as she walks out the door. She is strong and confident never looking back. He does not follow.

A pretty girl alone thinks about him. She has broken her personal tug-o-war, decisions are clear. He will never know, what’s gone.