Thursday, April 23, 2009

Once Upon A Happily Ever After

Tell me a story that begins with once upon a time. A sweet tale that ends in happily ever after…

Once upon a time a boy meets girl and admires her from afar. Too nervous for words his body dares not to move in her direction. He waits in time, watching. Falling in before he knows it.

He catches a glimpse of that sparkle in her eye, the cheeky curl of her lip and her wacky facial expressions. He notices her heart on the edge of her sleeve and wonders how long she has worn it that way. The beauty of this selfless act leaves him in awe. Deeper he goes.

When he looks at her time freezes, making each moment a magical daydream. Hair glowing golden flows around her face, framing her stunning smile and juicy lips. He sees each movement as a graceful dance. He is the only one in the audience. The curves of her body call to him, telling him to stay longer.

Standing there he takes it all in, solid like a cement status he holds on to each moment for later.

Building strength and taking a step forward, he leans in to whisper in her ear. She stops and listens quietly. All sounds disappear as the two of them are whisked away. Turning to see him she smiles, like she already knows him. But, just as nervous as he. She steps into his world.

And just like that their tales begun, as quick as it was. He pursues her with an utterly true purity of adoration, knowing he’s found something unlike anything else. He has never been here before. Never allowed things to get like this.

She watches his actions with questions. Learning about him from each interaction. Enjoying the power of his confidence and the safety she feels in his arms. Holding back what she knows, she tries to take each moment for what it is. She looks into his eyes to learn more. He turns away.

She pictures the future with him and forgets to live in the now. Damaging their connection, it was never intentional. Steps start walking backwards, as distance pushed them apart.

Loosing intensity he felt so strong he backs away to test her reaction. She plays the game and continues walking backwards only hurting herself more. Panic settles in and takes over her thoughts. She thinks of him often. He does not give in, desperately wanting her to come back.

He wonders why she walks backwards so quickly, not realizing that she keeps tripping on her own two feet. Something’s just not right.

Backing into a barricade her heart placed there without her mind knowing, she realizes her faults. It takes two. Following her crooked path forward, she crosses her fingers hoping it will lead back to him.

She ends up back at his door, with no courage to knock. Staring at the chipping paint and her reflection in the door handle, she freezes. Taking erratic breaths of air she attempt to calm her nerves. Relaxing her body if only a bit she makes a fist and goes to knock.

Sitting on his couch staring blankly into the TV, he doesn’t know what to do. Feelings that come so fast are hard to be true. Yet she’s on his mind he can’t deny, it can’t be ignore any longer. Taking a stand he makes a choice. Marches to the door grabs his keys and unlocks the latch.

And at the very moment he turns the knob her hand makes contact with the door. The sound echoes through both of their ears, like the beating of a powerful drum. How did this happen? She smiles nervously as his hands drive straight for her face. He brings her into him and kisses her so passionately. She melts in his arms. That night they found one another... happily ever after.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Off Course

I disguise myself for you.
A figure of me stands in place.
I appear strong and confident; when in truth there is a lot I hide.

Beneath the surface lies tales of hurt and betrayal that make it difficult to trust.
Insecurities live here reminding me how powerless I am.

I do not know what to do
What move to make
Or how to find you

I’m lost in my own thoughts
Over thinking my actions
over and over

I have fallen hard,
Fallen deep down and I am still climbing out
Looking for the strength that has been taken from me and made me frail

Take a chance on me
I’m well worth the wait
Give me a chance to show you me and for me to find a way to you

I wish I could escape from my own head
These thoughts hurt me too often and cause replayed pain… Again

I want peace of mind
I want time with you
Guiding my way… Through crumbled directions and an outdated map

A wink or two

I need sleep, something my brain ignores but desires so badly. Forcing movement, my actions grow tired. Words speak gibberish. Not allowing myself to rest I ensure my own suffering for I think I have control over the things that make no sense and float in my head as questions to complex to touch.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The games we play without playing...

He approaches her with a liquid confidence so true. No is not an answer. Second try, now her attention is grasped. Clouds beneath while they hover in mid air tangled together. The rules are broken, when eyes are blinded. Successful attempts lead to repeat encounters of ecstasy. Dawn breaks with passionate embraces, quick goodbyes and a strong face to greet reality with a sweet hello. Frequent touch leads to unspoken concerns. Slowly working their way to the surface. Past wounds bleed again, as actions are surrounded by uncertainty and infatuation. Passion explodes when reality is held back. Confidence remains when 2 become 1 and bolts back again when real shapes are taken. The truth lingers there beneath the surface, waiting to be captured… To be discovered. Strength slowly withers away and weakens one, empowering the other. Time wasn’t taken, when moments were stolen. Bowing her head and admitting defeat she disappears into the shadows. It takes time to see what was there and what was lost. He doesn’t know.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Foolish Avoidance

Colliding with liquid
Faster hits harder
Not moving out of the way, it consumes everything running though a network of tracks
Pulling one direction
Tricking minds
To see something that was never there
… that was created as an illusion to escape the truth
Like an addiction it makes you want more
The feeling doesn’t get better
Things don’t look good
It will be retold
Regurgitated stories in porcelain frames

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

In DrEaMs

Tonight I close my eyes and fall into an angry nightmare. Enclosed by death, demented life and tortured souls. I dare not move.

Power within me builds until I cannot hold it anymore. Tonight I breathe in deeply and throw daggers at you... my target

All in black, my eyes are frozen, breaths shallow in a face with no feeling. I am bitter, holding the remains of a dark, defective and cracked heart.

I do not feel. I take aim and release with a vicious wave of hate. One dagger after another passes through the tips of my fingers on a collision course, only for you.

No one dares to come near. It is me they all fear. Never believing I could come to this.

Built up frustrations are yours to hold. I don’t even see you.

I’m much stronger than you anticipated. Relentless hits, create pure destruction.

I do not stop. Hostility.

Cracks expand and grow all over your body. They’re crackling shrieks echoing off sharp rock faces that now surround us.

You can’t take it; this lesson does not give up. The crackling intensifies as your body quivers.

And then in one magnificent moment the force breaks through, with a low howling depth and takes your soul.

My arm collapses and falls to my side, hand shaking with rage.

I awake from pure evil to see nothing in front of me but look down to see a hollow nothingness in my chest. I cannot feel.

I am capable of much more than you think. You don’t know me one bit.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Self-Inflicted Agony

In a shell of a body I drag myself from point A to be
Jerking my legs into action
Bones ache, muscles throbbing
Painful steps detached
Loosing pace with my mind

Proceeding forward I neglect my own screams
Distracting pain with motion
Throbbing aches diminish

Strength is liquid at this point
Flowing in every gesture
Agony in pain I fear

Pushing too hard
I continue on, reshaping my frame
Transforming me
Living life
Feeling restored

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Seductive Potency

Your gentle touch sends shiver through my body
Rolling like waves,
Creeping and crawling down my spine to the tips of my curled toes

I’m relaxed in moments of passionate rage
An intoxicating craving
Wanting more, but cautious to let you in
Barriers crumble as we crash through my defenses
Giving in

Look deep into my eyes
Kiss me now and take me further
Into an ecstatic trance
Where the world melts away
Leaving only you and I

Sounds disappear, encapsulated in this ferocious fire
Only melodies of two hearts beating as one
Chased by echo’s of erratic breaths

Tightly griping your body, clenching my teeth
I’m whisked away from reality
To a euphoria of astonishing colors
A place we run wild
Don't let go

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


I don’t know how you got me here
To this place that I let go and become so vulnerable

This chance isn’t given to many
Taken my hand
Leading me away

I like the power you choose to take and the little things you do
Together I’m happy, apart wanting more
It's simple, there’s something there

Fearing where this is going
I want answers to questions I dare not ask

This is a feeling I’ve missed
An attention I barely recognized
A connection that is just different

I let go of the wheel and steer straight
no swerves

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Consider THIS

Is it that hard to believe I’m happy being me
My emotional ups and downs present only in my head and in these words placed into stories.

If you knew me you would not recognize me from my scriptured thoughts.
This part of me only visible to very few.
Seeing body and ink, rarely the two combine

I’m in control of my path and will not let the world get to me

My words are an escape from the conversation of thoughts in my head
Analyzing the environments I’m submersed in

I find peace in music
Plunking on the piano and enjoying sweet melodies
Getting lost in nature, surrounded by nothing
No one, not a sound

I am strong and sturdy
Taking pleasure in the small things in life
Living each moment in turn

Monday, April 6, 2009


The games we play bend and curve the truth so far past anything recognizable
I don’t know what is and what isn’t

Left and right have no significance

2 steps ahead
Loosing speed
and walking backwards

I’d read your mind if I could see
See who you really are, where you’re going, what you’re thinking

But I cannot let you in
I’m still lost in my own jumbled identity

Patience is something I need
You cannot force things that should not be

Back to the boards for now
Thinking strategy all too often
I move my knight
You capture the heart of my queen
Every time

Smiles turn to panic when you’re not near
Too many thoughts run through my head
Aiming at my heart with daggers

If things were easier, I’d loose all the excitement
The emotional battleground we fear so passionately
But crave so desperately when we are not standing in the cross fire
On the battle fields of uncertainty

Taking this in and breathing
I talk up my own self-confidence
and march forward, in a strong suit of armor
Trembling inside as I slowly learn what way to turn
Straight ahead

I only fear what’s happened before.
This is now
I am no longer

So hard to envision the unknown
Taking the moments with you as they come
Blossoms take shape and form delicate little flowers
To fragile to pick
Admired from afar

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Twisted sleep

Close my eyes and lye me down
Falling into tormented slumber

A world appears around me
Built up brick by brick
Each fine line and intricate detail take shape, surround by thick black lines

I’m taken to a world where things are never as they seem
A twisted reality, fashioned from fears, hopes, desires and needs

Its dark, this manic fairytale
Harsh stories and strong ambitions
I find myself playing a character that could be me?

I’m sick with happiness
Navigating through demented romance.

Thinking clearly I have no conscious
I do not speak
My words transform to action, taking leaps and bounds to find what I am searching for

What’s in fact is searching for me

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Big Block

Inspiration is what I seek.
A character to jump from this ink, only a backdrop
And dance around its readers

Stuck in a circle of familiar phrases, pains, memories
Lacking new ideas to bring to life

A tale of a young boy
A little girls fairy tale
brought to reality
All so artificial

I seek silence surrounded by music
Waiting to be knocked out by something great

Rambling about sad tales and dreams of hope
My encores endless

It’s sure to happen
Some time soon
Change and growth continue inflating

Take a seat
Sit back and relax
Just breath
Be a part of my ride
And enjoy the scenery

Friday, April 3, 2009

Running in SPOT

Moving forward but standing still.
My head is with me, body ready.

Alone in a crowded room
Smiling as I move through
My heart is not here

It's somewhere lost from then to now
Stuck in a moment
I search for it relentlessly
Trick it with others, ignoring the feelings it produces
Like a hard working machine chipping away at my subconscious daydreams

Moved on from the past; learned mistakes and tragic ends only a memory

Ready for the exciting
Pushing doors open
And keeping my presence there.

Living life alone, searching for companions to ease our pains and deliver our wants.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Lyrical goodbye

Turning upside down and inside out
Seeing black and gray
It’s cleared now, no more just no more

I’ve morphed into who I’ve become
To a place I wanna be
A place that’s me… more than before

So why can’t you see who I’ve become
I’m not the girl I used to be
The girl you think you still see
Time has moved and changed a lot
So quit being so naïve, actions can’t change, words can’t bring it back

The games been played its over and done with
I brunt the rules and move beyond
Broke free from something that was not me

The truth is so much easier to see,
Steeping forward clearly
Not blinded by things I could never control
But achieving everything I never could

The picture you form of me
So distorted and delusional
There is no mold I fit
No labels to define

So why can’t you see who I’ve become
I’m not the girl I used to be
The girl you think you still see
Time has moved and changed a lot
So quit being so naïve, actions can’t change, words can’t bring it back

Its been said
It’s all dead and done
I think its time you let me be
No turning back anymore
I let go
Its only sweet history
My heart can’t feel you and my head doesn’t hear
Walk away, get out and go

So why can’t you see who I’ve become
I’m not the girl I used to be
The girl you think you still see
Time has moved and changed a lot
So quit being so naïve, actions can’t change, words can’t bring it back

So why can’t you see who I’ve become
I’m not the girl I used to be
The girl you think you still see
Time has moved and changed a lot
So quit being so naïve, actions can’t change, words can’t bring it back