Saturday, December 27, 2008

One liners in a different way...

Fighting the shadows in my head, reliving each moment.

I'd rather say too much, than hold back my thoughts for you.

Friday, December 26, 2008


I sit here wondering why
No answers

Emotions strike my heart, tearing at my soul
One moment at a time, I try to survive
Searching for reasons that will not be found

Escape is what I need
But I am stuck here
Navigating through something
It will not be solved

Screaming on the inside

Monday, December 22, 2008

Catastrophe, A Reality

Holding the wheel in both hands she is confident and relaxed. Friend by her side, laughing, at the beginning of their road trip. The weather is grey and dull but quickly becomes unfriendly with a nasty bite. She feels a bit tense, but it doesn’t really bother her too much. Works well under pressure. They’re on their way.

The heat is cranked, music’s on. It is cold outside; sky over crowded with thick clouds, trees covered in spectacular white blankets. The wind attempts to bully cars to move one way and then another. Indecisive.

She should have paid more attention to the red flags waving frantically in front of her. She should have listened to everything that was yelling at her not to go.

The road is covered with patches of a dirty dangerous frosty substance. A combination of sand, ice and snow. Avoiding them at all costs, the wheels pass around, as the car travels over.

Turning the wheel ever so slightly, she feels the tires starting to loose it. The ice teases the wheels to change direction. The car jerks left, set to collide with the freeway guardrail and the center ditch.

Adjusting her grip she manages to gain control as the car appears to straighten out. But just for a moment. The wheels kiss the ice for a second time as it convinces the car to change direction once again. They hold on as the disastrous ride begins.

The car dances in traffic, like a ballerina gliding across the stage under a spot light. A 180 flows seamlessly into a glide across three lanes and finishes with a jump into the snowy embankment, balancing on two wheels if only for a microsecond.

They brace for the inevitable, bodies tense, minds not keeping up with the movement. She is silent, calm and starring straight ahead. Not prepared for this, but she cannot make it stop.

Over they go, a flawless 360. Seat hugging her tightly, she is stiff from head to toe. Glass shatters, plastic snaps then crumbles to pieces, metal bends and deforms. CDs float through the air, purses and keys take flight fleeing the vehicle and escaping the scene. All in the stillness of silence. Landing with great form, all 4 tires hidden in the snow. Reality smacks her in the face. Wake up!

Surrounded by snow, glass shards and blood. She is still calm, listening to screams of ‘oh god’ coming from beside her. A quick check to her right she realizes that she is ok but scared. She tries to regain focus on the situation, everything is foggy. Her mind takes control and tells her what to do reminding her that “everything happens for a reason, do what you need to do.”

Searching the wreckage for passports, her friend is led away and out of the cold. Still sitting there she turns off the car, and plows the snow off her body. She feels nothing, not even the cold.
“I can’t find it, I can’t find it, I need my passport.”
She moves around as witnesses suggest she should stop moving, she could be hurt. She ignores their pleas and continues to fuss about.

Drops of something land below her face. Is it coming from the roof? She asks what is it and a man replies.
“It’s you, you’re bleeding.”
She feels no pain, feels nothing at all.
“Is it serious”
“Well it’s not that bad”
and with that she hushes his speech and continues to paw through the glass with bare hands, searching for their belonging. Gathering her things and putting it all in her purse, she stands and finally SEES what has happened. It is then the severity of the incident is realized.

Loosing control over her body, she shakes. Every muscle, every joint moves in an erratic jerking. She can’t stop. Blood has now painted the left side of her face trailing down her neck and tangling her blond hair in a ferocious red. Drip, Drip. It’s not stopping.

Her minds not working right. Her thoughts are all jumbled. This just isn’t right. Tears roll from her face mix with blood and paint the snow red. As she walks away from the car, she is guided to safety. Wanting to escape from this, get in her car and drive home she cries aloud, nothings held back.

The next hour passes in slow motion. Her pants covered in snow and soaking wet, her shirt is damp, body covered in glass bits and pieces. They’re everywhere. She continues to shake. How did she get here, how did this happen.

As she is driven away she can’t help but think why she is alive. Replaying each moment in her head she bullies herself with all the coulda, shoulda, woulda, what if I… These words eat her up inside. She escapes anyway she can, still trying to figure out why. Trying to find meaning in catastrophe.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


I wish I could let you in my head to see what I see
Putting it to words just doesn’t seem to give it justice.

The things I feel, indescribable
The way I think, sincere

A bond
A link
A powerful connection

What is this?

Trying not to loose myself,
I feel the ups and downs too much

Step forward, now step back,
pause and hold it
Forward again,
we dance

I was scared to move
But need to go deeper

Opening up
Breaking barriers
I’m in too deep?

We ignored what was always there
What was just waiting to be noticed
Passion revealed, tough moments created

Our paths met and joined
Then crossed again

Now together we look out at the most beautiful storm
Wishing to move as one

I thought it was a dream
Until your truth surfaced with complicated emotions

Hanging off those words
Frozen for now

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


They say it’s blind
It’s easy
But only comes along every once and a while

They say it’s special and different each time
And you’ll know it when you see it

When you’re looking for it
You won’t find it
When you want it
It won’t come
Instead it sneaks up when you least expect it
And takes you for a ride

They say there’s different kinds
Sometimes only lasting for a short time
But the best last, they’re eternal

They say to hold on to it, never let go
And to cherish it when you have it

Truth is its tough
And can really hurt

It’s hard to find
And even harder to keep

Yet we all still search for it relentlessly
Wanting nothing more
To feel it once again
To have it for a lifetime

Because the good the bad it doesn’t matter
It’s all so amazing

Thursday, December 11, 2008


Thick black clouds of life, take their seats on everyone’s shoulders. Heavy they take their toll. Lessons don’t come easily.


You’re not alone
I’m still here
I won’t go

Stop those thoughts in your head and

Empty you head and step back.

For some reason you can’t see what others do,
See it too and stand proud

Life’s a journey we travel alone
But the greatest part is sharing it with a select few

Happiness doesn’t come easy
We wouldn’t appreciate it if it did
We might not even acknowledge it
If it all, was easy

We are meant to fall
And to get back up again.
Grow stronger than before and take control

Stumbling over obstacles seems to take us out for a while
It’s ok

Keep that head of yours up
Look to the sky and

Good things will come to you
Be able to recognize them
Hold on with all your might

Learn to see the beauty around you
And how lucky you really are

The bad can get you down
But the good will pick you up again

A torn heart, broken
Thoughts a storm
Brewing in your head
Seems so out of control
But wait


It’s you there in the silence
Fighting to get out

Have faith in life
In destiny
Your turn will come
Your turn is here

Friday, December 5, 2008

Taking MY Place

Head games
Mind games
Turn me inside out

Advice to others so simple
Principles so clear
Not so black and white

Learning to listen to me
Inch by inch

Living with my actions
Happy to be

Letting go and seeing life
Who are we standing at the brink of a storm?

Something’s coming that’s for sure
With a great strength it seeks me out

Ready for whatever it might be
I’m waiting patiently
Arms crossed
Mind running wild

Beating all the tests
I won’t go down
Creating my own path

I will discover my destiny
It’s just around the bend
Learning I was right all along

True potential straight ahead
Take the wheel and steer

Moving Through

Suspended in time
Everything’s still
No sound, No light, No distractions
Thoughts leaving, but lingering around
It’s not time for them to go just yet
They’re there as a reminder. Not too forget
Grays and blacks slowly fade away.
Sounds start crashing through
Love searches for you
A clearing opens up
Colors are alive
Better than before
Life takes over

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


Cold and damp, her head feels heavy.
Taking a look around she sees nothing but haze.
Clearing her eyes, she blinks until a picture exposes its self.

Branches above with fragile tiny buds.
Clear sky, warm sun, and green grass tickling the back of her neck.
She can feel bulky roots beneath her back.

Disoriented she tries to remember.
What has happened here?
She climbs to her feet and catches her balance, unstable in her own shoes.

She listens to the sounds around her.
Children giggle, loved ones chat and animals converse all at once.
She’s lost.

Rubbing her eyes, she feels a pain in her chest.
It’s broken but still beating.

She has tumbled a long way to end up here,
and has now forgotten how to soar.

She finds peace in helping others
and caring for those near to her.

Assuming her role.
Now on two feet planted firmly on the ground.
It’s much more work,
takes time and attention.

She knows not, what she’s become.
Yet, attempts to slowly piece the puzzle together,
knowing she will rise above once again.
Here for now.