strangled simles

Pushing together strangled smiles
The world distorts the truth around me
Hidden words spewing from everyone, hit me like razors
targeting my heart

time --------- lost

Days have past quicker than expected.
5 days gone 3 to go
Our talks feel empty as I wish for your attention receiving not what I was looking for.
My insecurities run wild trying to see where you are.
My feelings are here but wary of you
What has happened?

Missing pages between

I sit here struggling with the thoughts in my head.
Holding something so perfect, not sure it belongs to me.
My mind wanders in paths with dead ends, places I’ve traveled long ago.

I worry about my unconscious thoughts,
those I have no control,
no power to make disappear.

With you my mind is clear, free
But my heart is not there yet

I wait for a decision to be made, for the haze to life
For me to be with you.

I miss your company when you’re gone.
Your touch, your attention,
I crave so bad.

My struggles are hidden as you assume we’re on the same page
But here I hide a chapter before you.

Fight or Flight

Retreat, retreat, turn around and run. Book it out of here; escape the reality of tripping before you fall.

Wanting your attention
Craving your touch
My heart fears pain and sends messages to my legs to run

I battle myself, trying to hold on to something I’m used to. All too comfortable with you and settling in.

This scares me more than I’ll ever admit. I fall to my knees, protected here in my sanctuary.

Sitting here peacefully, taking in the sun, the sounds of water dancing in the sea and the metallic clatter of the rising dock… my nerves relax and release my troubles into the wind.

Away they go.

I still worry of where to go, but for now I breathe a little more freely, seeing the panic is not worth anxiety’s emotional pull on my identity.

I’m good at faking normality when inside I want to shake my head and scream and run.

Abandon ship?
Sinking lifeboats.

Reality A Game?

Happiness walks in and sits on my heart.
Takes over my thoughts and consumes my days.

Your touch crashes into my body and consumes me whole.

Open and free there’s you and me and a time for us.

Keeping the pace, mind settles into a state of bliss.

Has it come again to toy with me or is this time real.

Eyes wide shut

Marching through stiff pavement the world blurs around her, passing her by. This is the day she’ll make her mark. Reciting the words to herself in an endless loop, she creates an unbreakable confidence.

Her feet send shocks through each step. Eyes set forward as the crowded sea separates to unveil her path in familiar streets filled with concerned faces.

As she approaches the crumpled structures sporting barred windows, her pace slows.

Groups of hormonal teens band together forming unofficial groups of seclusion. They stare directly into her eyes without flinching, without emotion. Empty shells.

Her determination flees, retreating so quickly leaving a hollow residue. The bell sounds. The distinct packs disperse and move towards the double doors covered in graffiti and held open by a security guard and the iron fist, in full combat gear.

She bows her head, assumes the position and follows the cattle through the gates to her own personal hell.

Her body blurs in with those of so many. Her nerves tense as she tries her best to blend in once again and not be noticed. It’s too late. They’ve seen her.

On firm thrust of their shoulders into hers acknowledges that today will be like any other.

She stumbles as the hit tricks her balance and her feet scramble to disperse the energy. Walking forward she doesn’t stop, never daring to look back. She’s all too familiar with those gazes of hatred. She can hear their comments, their giggles, and taunts. Don’t give them more, keep pace.

As she approaches her locker its no shock they’ve done it again. Graffiti can be so beautiful but this is the ink of pure evil. The words are written in thick and heavy black strokes. They took their time decorating her space.

She tries to look unfazed but is breaking and aching so bad. She can’t hide it, as the pieces of her lying on the floor around her, there for those who choose to see.

To be continued…

-----

Tripping on yellow brook roads, tumbling my way back to you

Hormonal outbursts

Loosing control and tumbling down
It’s much steeper than expected

Casual ignorance’s are quick to notice and struggle for the upper hand

No power to hold steady, the spiral quickly consumes the fall

Power is not theirs to have
Do not be blinded by difficulties that test abilities to survive

Gaining momentum
Yet holding the cards

It’s a domain missing order
Focus is lost,
Lessons ignored

Courage is hard to find when waiting for time to pass by

Finding footprints and traveling to where time stands still

See innocent eyes and desires to learn
Teachings to grow

Wandering Wonder

Happy with him, my thoughts are clear
Heart is present and wanting more.

When he’s not near my mind wanders
Some how finding its way to you

I’ve let go of our connection
And yet its still there
Catching me off guard and causing me to wonder

My strength weakens when it comes to you
The one that left me so confused

No passionate moments to prove me right
I fell for you, only through sight
No touch of your lips or sweet caress

I’m waiting here
Moving on, living as if I’m strong without you

The act becomes easier as time passes me by
My emotions held by two

He’s nothing like you
Our connections completely different.
Its new and exciting
Innocent and easy
Communications no puzzle I have to decipher
Its open and free

I can’t help these emotions left here from you
The remainders of something so perfect
The remainders of what you took from me.

I piece myself back together, with one gap to fill

You hold the piece, I need it back

Link vanishing

Golden gloW

Hitting the ground in powerful rays
Rolling over and under, weaving its way
Capturing everything in a blanket wrapped tight

Crafting a beauty we all escape to
It caresses our bodies as it reaches our souls.

Life changes beneath the unquestionable force

Broken lips learn to smile once more
Healing old pains and creating a healthy now

Simply complex

Seeing this in front of me it’s hard to believe.
I wonder how it happened… how I ended up in your arms so fast.

My minds weary,
barricading a heart that has already fallen in too deep.

Pushing forward,
These thoughts aside
I relax and take it all in.

I’m living in a fantasy here with you. Learning how things should have been all along. Things this easy are meant to transpire.

Games are forgotten as only truths are spoken.

I spend my time in aw of you.
Watching something building in front of me, something surrounding me,
And yet I have no fear of where your intentions lie.

Some how I find myself …
bewildered by how simple the complex used to be.

Hearts UNtouched

Attention spans flicker
like fractured and broken light bulbs stolen by flashes of gibberish and sounds of chaos.

Contact between pen and paper
occur in rhythmic spasms, spinning fragmented thoughts and creative syntax’s

Lips are curled
in a frozen grimace

Eyes winking at one another… we’re not really working

Game over, they’ve got it.

Vocal Assault

Attacking kindness with words of destruction
Pushing forward armed and ready
Advances test patience
With rage and intentions to kill

Make believe

A reflection shimmering back, telling a story with no words. Ask questions.

Squinty eyes concentrate hard. Head aches from attempted thoughts, when emotions run unstable.

Dusty outlook, nothings simple as it used to be.

Right and wrong difficult to decipher.

Time changes so fast
Nothings permanent
Too much is forged

Frame me in this

Life lingers there, within reach
To be invented, formed
Bent into reality

Create a masterpiece, a work of art
And stand there in the middle

Taking charge everything’s within your grasp
To dream is to believe
For it all to happen

Strength and courage build power
Build character, build you

The bad pushes buttons
A test of character

Worn out roads are hard to travel
Seeing only the path less chosen
Navigate past to clarity

It’s important to see, you’re right where you need to be
Acknowledge what’s really there
Looking beyond the emotions floating around

Truth is some things will get worse before they get better
Trying your tired soul, and aching body
Other things only get better

Listen and learn
Act and care
Never loosing yourself

Take stress and handle it bit by bit
Stay away from the gray, it will eat you alive

Speak truths, sincerity
It’s hard to find

It will all come
Time
To emerge from black
Spring loaded surprise

One moment takes shape
With each days break

Lifes Edge

Standing at the end, rocks trap her feet. Tall spindly grass scales the cliff side in a desperate search of a hospitable home. Below, all is still. Framed into a photograph of no action, she remains. Sturdy and tough, her body like a boulder. Looking out into an endless horizon, she feels pulled away from where she thinks she belongs.

The waters calm and serene, almost winking at her, enticing her, testing her will to choose her own path.

She ponders life. Dreams the impossible. But tires her soul.

Time ticks away as she stands still. Questioning right/ wrong, morals and beliefs; hesitant to make a move... when nothings ever perfect.

Change affects everything around her. Her environment begins a magical metamorphosis.

The wind carries in a sweet nectar as the wave crash through peace. Yet silence persists.

Bewildered.

Dividing Worlds Collide Again

Connecting us to each other
It’s become a tool that pushes everyone further away

Words of kindness, praise, and love, have no voice
Letters in fine print speak no emotion

A world of vast advances encourages seclusion through encrypted messages

Intended to make life easier and that is has.
But left us with no ability to communicate true words… emotion, compassion and care

So immersed in individualized worlds
So much goes unsaid.

These worlds need to collides, touch
To remind the truth to exist

Holding on to the now, ready for what’s next but keeping human touch

To feel safe, whole
To remember how to socialize and love one another

… when our worlds collide.

Once Upon A Happily Ever After

Tell me a story that begins with once upon a time. A sweet tale that ends in happily ever after…

Once upon a time a boy meets girl and admires her from afar. Too nervous for words his body dares not to move in her direction. He waits in time, watching. Falling in before he knows it.

He catches a glimpse of that sparkle in her eye, the cheeky curl of her lip and her wacky facial expressions. He notices her heart on the edge of her sleeve and wonders how long she has worn it that way. The beauty of this selfless act leaves him in awe. Deeper he goes.

When he looks at her time freezes, making each moment a magical daydream. Hair glowing golden flows around her face, framing her stunning smile and juicy lips. He sees each movement as a graceful dance. He is the only one in the audience. The curves of her body call to him, telling him to stay longer.

Standing there he takes it all in, solid like a cement status he holds on to each moment for later.

Building strength and taking a step forward, he leans in to whisper in her ear. She stops and listens quietly. All sounds disappear as the two of them are whisked away. Turning to see him she smiles, like she already knows him. But, just as nervous as he. She steps into his world.

And just like that their tales begun, as quick as it was. He pursues her with an utterly true purity of adoration, knowing he’s found something unlike anything else. He has never been here before. Never allowed things to get like this.

She watches his actions with questions. Learning about him from each interaction. Enjoying the power of his confidence and the safety she feels in his arms. Holding back what she knows, she tries to take each moment for what it is. She looks into his eyes to learn more. He turns away.

She pictures the future with him and forgets to live in the now. Damaging their connection, it was never intentional. Steps start walking backwards, as distance pushed them apart.

Loosing intensity he felt so strong he backs away to test her reaction. She plays the game and continues walking backwards only hurting herself more. Panic settles in and takes over her thoughts. She thinks of him often. He does not give in, desperately wanting her to come back.

He wonders why she walks backwards so quickly, not realizing that she keeps tripping on her own two feet. Something’s just not right.

Backing into a barricade her heart placed there without her mind knowing, she realizes her faults. It takes two. Following her crooked path forward, she crosses her fingers hoping it will lead back to him.

She ends up back at his door, with no courage to knock. Staring at the chipping paint and her reflection in the door handle, she freezes. Taking erratic breaths of air she attempt to calm her nerves. Relaxing her body if only a bit she makes a fist and goes to knock.

Sitting on his couch staring blankly into the TV, he doesn’t know what to do. Feelings that come so fast are hard to be true. Yet she’s on his mind he can’t deny, it can’t be ignore any longer. Taking a stand he makes a choice. Marches to the door grabs his keys and unlocks the latch.

And at the very moment he turns the knob her hand makes contact with the door. The sound echoes through both of their ears, like the beating of a powerful drum. How did this happen? She smiles nervously as his hands drive straight for her face. He brings her into him and kisses her so passionately. She melts in his arms. That night they found one another... happily ever after.

Off Course

I disguise myself for you.
A figure of me stands in place.
I appear strong and confident; when in truth there is a lot I hide.

Beneath the surface lies tales of hurt and betrayal that make it difficult to trust.
Insecurities live here reminding me how powerless I am.

I do not know what to do
What move to make
Or how to find you

I’m lost in my own thoughts
Over thinking my actions
over and over

I have fallen hard,
Fallen deep down and I am still climbing out
Looking for the strength that has been taken from me and made me frail

Take a chance on me
I’m well worth the wait
Give me a chance to show you me and for me to find a way to you

I wish I could escape from my own head
These thoughts hurt me too often and cause replayed pain… Again

I want peace of mind
I want time with you
Guiding my way… Through crumbled directions and an outdated map

A wink or two

I need sleep, something my brain ignores but desires so badly. Forcing movement, my actions grow tired. Words speak gibberish. Not allowing myself to rest I ensure my own suffering for I think I have control over the things that make no sense and float in my head as questions to complex to touch.

The games we play without playing...

He approaches her with a liquid confidence so true. No is not an answer. Second try, now her attention is grasped. Clouds beneath while they hover in mid air tangled together. The rules are broken, when eyes are blinded. Successful attempts lead to repeat encounters of ecstasy. Dawn breaks with passionate embraces, quick goodbyes and a strong face to greet reality with a sweet hello. Frequent touch leads to unspoken concerns. Slowly working their way to the surface. Past wounds bleed again, as actions are surrounded by uncertainty and infatuation. Passion explodes when reality is held back. Confidence remains when 2 become 1 and bolts back again when real shapes are taken. The truth lingers there beneath the surface, waiting to be captured… To be discovered. Strength slowly withers away and weakens one, empowering the other. Time wasn’t taken, when moments were stolen. Bowing her head and admitting defeat she disappears into the shadows. It takes time to see what was there and what was lost. He doesn’t know.

Foolish Avoidance

Colliding with liquid
Faster hits harder
Not moving out of the way, it consumes everything running though a network of tracks
Pulling one direction
Tricking minds
To see something that was never there
… that was created as an illusion to escape the truth
Like an addiction it makes you want more
The feeling doesn’t get better
Things don’t look good
It will be retold
Regurgitated stories in porcelain frames

In DrEaMs

Tonight I close my eyes and fall into an angry nightmare. Enclosed by death, demented life and tortured souls. I dare not move.

Power within me builds until I cannot hold it anymore. Tonight I breathe in deeply and throw daggers at you... my target

All in black, my eyes are frozen, breaths shallow in a face with no feeling. I am bitter, holding the remains of a dark, defective and cracked heart.

I do not feel. I take aim and release with a vicious wave of hate. One dagger after another passes through the tips of my fingers on a collision course, only for you.

No one dares to come near. It is me they all fear. Never believing I could come to this.

Built up frustrations are yours to hold. I don’t even see you.

I’m much stronger than you anticipated. Relentless hits, create pure destruction.

I do not stop. Hostility.

Cracks expand and grow all over your body. They’re crackling shrieks echoing off sharp rock faces that now surround us.

You can’t take it; this lesson does not give up. The crackling intensifies as your body quivers.

And then in one magnificent moment the force breaks through, with a low howling depth and takes your soul.

My arm collapses and falls to my side, hand shaking with rage.

I awake from pure evil to see nothing in front of me but look down to see a hollow nothingness in my chest. I cannot feel.

I am capable of much more than you think. You don’t know me one bit.

Self-Inflicted Agony

In a shell of a body I drag myself from point A to be
Jerking my legs into action
Bones ache, muscles throbbing
Painful steps detached
Loosing pace with my mind

Proceeding forward I neglect my own screams
Distracting pain with motion
Throbbing aches diminish

Strength is liquid at this point
Flowing in every gesture
Agony in pain I fear

Pushing too hard
I continue on, reshaping my frame
Transforming me
Living life
Feeling restored

Seductive Potency

Your gentle touch sends shiver through my body
Rolling like waves,
Creeping and crawling down my spine to the tips of my curled toes

I’m relaxed in moments of passionate rage
An intoxicating craving
Wanting more, but cautious to let you in
Barriers crumble as we crash through my defenses
Giving in

Look deep into my eyes
Kiss me now and take me further
Into an ecstatic trance
Where the world melts away
Leaving only you and I

Sounds disappear, encapsulated in this ferocious fire
Only melodies of two hearts beating as one
Chased by echo’s of erratic breaths

Tightly griping your body, clenching my teeth
I’m whisked away from reality
To a euphoria of astonishing colors
A place we run wild
Don't let go

Exposed

I don’t know how you got me here
To this place that I let go and become so vulnerable

This chance isn’t given to many
Taken my hand
Leading me away

I like the power you choose to take and the little things you do
Together I’m happy, apart wanting more
It's simple, there’s something there

Fearing where this is going
I want answers to questions I dare not ask

This is a feeling I’ve missed
An attention I barely recognized
A connection that is just different

I let go of the wheel and steer straight
no swerves

Consider THIS

Is it that hard to believe I’m happy being me
My emotional ups and downs present only in my head and in these words placed into stories.

If you knew me you would not recognize me from my scriptured thoughts.
This part of me only visible to very few.
Seeing body and ink, rarely the two combine

I’m in control of my path and will not let the world get to me

My words are an escape from the conversation of thoughts in my head
Analyzing the environments I’m submersed in

I find peace in music
Plunking on the piano and enjoying sweet melodies
Getting lost in nature, surrounded by nothing
No one, not a sound

I am strong and sturdy
Taking pleasure in the small things in life
Living each moment in turn

Puzzled

The games we play bend and curve the truth so far past anything recognizable
I don’t know what is and what isn’t

Left and right have no significance

2 steps ahead
Loosing speed
and walking backwards

I’d read your mind if I could see
See who you really are, where you’re going, what you’re thinking

But I cannot let you in
I’m still lost in my own jumbled identity

Patience is something I need
You cannot force things that should not be

Back to the boards for now
Thinking strategy all too often
I move my knight
You capture the heart of my queen
Every time

Smiles turn to panic when you’re not near
Too many thoughts run through my head
Aiming at my heart with daggers

If things were easier, I’d loose all the excitement
The emotional battleground we fear so passionately
But crave so desperately when we are not standing in the cross fire
On the battle fields of uncertainty

Taking this in and breathing
I talk up my own self-confidence
and march forward, in a strong suit of armor
Trembling inside as I slowly learn what way to turn
Straight ahead

I only fear what’s happened before.
This is now
I am no longer
Her

So hard to envision the unknown
Taking the moments with you as they come
Blossoms take shape and form delicate little flowers
To fragile to pick
Admired from afar

Twisted sleep

Close my eyes and lye me down
Falling into tormented slumber

A world appears around me
Built up brick by brick
Each fine line and intricate detail take shape, surround by thick black lines

I’m taken to a world where things are never as they seem
A twisted reality, fashioned from fears, hopes, desires and needs

Its dark, this manic fairytale
Harsh stories and strong ambitions
I find myself playing a character that could be me?

I’m sick with happiness
Navigating through demented romance.

Thinking clearly I have no conscious
I do not speak
My words transform to action, taking leaps and bounds to find what I am searching for


What’s in fact is searching for me

Big Block

Inspiration is what I seek.
A character to jump from this ink, only a backdrop
And dance around its readers

Stuck in a circle of familiar phrases, pains, memories
Lacking new ideas to bring to life

A tale of a young boy
A little girls fairy tale
brought to reality
All so artificial

I seek silence surrounded by music
Waiting to be knocked out by something great

Rambling about sad tales and dreams of hope
My encores endless

It’s sure to happen
Some time soon
Change and growth continue inflating

Take a seat
Sit back and relax
Just breath
Be a part of my ride
And enjoy the scenery

Running in SPOT

Moving forward but standing still.
My head is with me, body ready.

Alone in a crowded room
Smiling as I move through
My heart is not here

It's somewhere lost from then to now
Stuck in a moment
I search for it relentlessly
Trick it with others, ignoring the feelings it produces
Like a hard working machine chipping away at my subconscious daydreams

Moved on from the past; learned mistakes and tragic ends only a memory

Ready for the exciting
Pushing doors open
And keeping my presence there.

Living life alone, searching for companions to ease our pains and deliver our wants.

Lyrical goodbye

Turning upside down and inside out
Seeing black and gray
It’s cleared now, no more just no more

I’ve morphed into who I’ve become
To a place I wanna be
A place that’s me… more than before

Chorus
So why can’t you see who I’ve become
I’m not the girl I used to be
The girl you think you still see
Time has moved and changed a lot
So quit being so naïve, actions can’t change, words can’t bring it back

The games been played its over and done with
I brunt the rules and move beyond
Broke free from something that was not me

The truth is so much easier to see,
Steeping forward clearly
Not blinded by things I could never control
But achieving everything I never could

The picture you form of me
So distorted and delusional
There is no mold I fit
No labels to define

Chorus
So why can’t you see who I’ve become
I’m not the girl I used to be
The girl you think you still see
Time has moved and changed a lot
So quit being so naïve, actions can’t change, words can’t bring it back

Its been said
It’s all dead and done
I think its time you let me be
No turning back anymore
I let go
Its only sweet history
My heart can’t feel you and my head doesn’t hear
Walk away, get out and go

Chorus
So why can’t you see who I’ve become
I’m not the girl I used to be
The girl you think you still see
Time has moved and changed a lot
So quit being so naïve, actions can’t change, words can’t bring it back

So why can’t you see who I’ve become
I’m not the girl I used to be
The girl you think you still see
Time has moved and changed a lot
So quit being so naïve, actions can’t change, words can’t bring it back

Missing days and months back to you

Boy runs away, it’s his turn to leave.
Not sure where to go, what move to make next.
He continues,
going away from you.

Running from truth, running from fear, he does not stop to listen
No hesitations… not one thought.
Away he goes.

He feels nothing,
his body is numb.
The world stops around him as he runs by, not noticing all the greatness around him.

He does not understand that things move forward even when you stop looking.
The world cannot pause for one to catch up to life.

It’s all changing,
There’s no way to reverse. He can’t go back.

On and on he goes,
as hours mesh into days, weeks just a blur of colors that he passes by.

Until one day he finally wakes up and realizes his faults.
he was running away from what should have been.

Tracing back his steps, he gets lost along the way searching for the thing he feared the most.
The thing his heart now aches for.
You.

He didn’t know it was you.
He did not see you standing there till now.
He did not look closely enough.

Time has a funny way of bringing us back together,
in a huge jigsaw puzzle.
Everyone searching for the right piece.
The missing piece.

But do not worry...some how the puzzle transforms into a masterpiece of life.

Once Upon A Time

Do you remember a time
when the world was only as big as your own personal stage

When emotions were heightened and words could form daggers
each one making their mark. The good and the bad

When life was simple.
No responsibilities, no bills, no obligations.
It was just you, and your world packaged by friends and family.

When learning happened naturally. But days were much longer.
Minutes lasted for hours and sunny days never ended.

When sarcastic judgments hurt and torn at your very soul,
Causing you to tremble and fall apart.

When your identity was a fight, with hormones and a mix of emotions you never understood.
Meanings coming to be, when the time was right.

When summer seemed to last forever and best friends were really there
….through everything.

It was a time we will always remember.
A time we wished we did more and took bigger risks.

It was a time of discovery.
A time of joy, sorrow, excitement and fear for the unexpected, the unimaginable and the amazing.
All happening at the same time.

It was a time, when we were invisible. When we could achieve anything
but did not have the confidence to know what we were truly capable of.

It was a time when things were cheaper and candy was a full course meal.

Yet, life is much more complicated than I once thought

Here now, looking back at then
I smile at the choice I made, the mistakes I suffered through, the happiness I celebrated and the pain I overcame.

Now I have the confidence to succeed as my identity continues to expand.

I would not change any of my actions.

These are the important pieces of me.

Rock Bottom

Found her in a place I’d never go. A place I’d never wanna be. Used and abused her body re-plays the chaos of what once was important… to her.

Eyes so empty. A body, only bones. Tears shimmer as they are sucked into her tired skin.

She looks up at me with an expressionless expression, so lost, so broken.

Hollow.

Her long brown hair hangs in clumps hiding her bare jagged shoulders. She’s covered in a fine layer of dust. As if she was an old broken and chipped lamp that no one touched.

Only one strap holds her cotton gown. It manages to keep the fabric draped over her body. Once upon a time a beautiful dress now the remains of sad stories and played out battles. Blood, sweat, tears, and dirt.

Her knees are cut, scabs still leaking. Hands shake as she tries to steady her body against the rocks.

She sits there like a crumpled cardboard box, uncomfortable with who she is, where she is and what she has become.

Reaching out my hand, she turns away, shuts her eyes, braces her body and pretends to hide. Harm has been done. Is it too late?

Realizing her faults she examines me bottom up, from feet to head. Scanning every inch until she reaches my eyes. Looking deeply into my soul as if she might recognize me now, if only she could look harder.

This is the end of the beginning.

Naked & Vulnerable

Today’s the day I change my path. I take a stand to bare all. There’s no holding back, nothing left unsaid. Everything out for you to see; naked and vulnerable. No gimmicks, no sugar coating, no bells and whistles. Only the raw truth for your eyes to see.

Today will change our path. This fog we’re floating in will be forced to clear. Hear my words clearly and feel my heart strong and true behind each expressed desire. This is not an easy task, but it must be done.

So listen carefully to what you hear, what you see, what you feel. Imagine what it would all be like without me. I say this in kindness wondering what if. What if us? What if I did not exist, would be things be ok?

I’ve laid it all on the line. I’ve given you time, I’ve given you space. Know that even though we don’t speak you’re often in my thoughts. Controlling my emotional hills and dips from afar.

You will not know a thing about my emotional struggle as you meet my strong façade. But, look deeply... you just might.

Realize what’s here in time, before I fade away.

Encapsulated musical moments

Isn’t it weird, how a song can take you back to a moment in time? A moment, which at the time seemed so insignificant, it held no importance. You could have never known the effect it would later produce each and every time the notes danced around you.

Then out of no where the melody attacks your body, the lyrics act like a time machine and whisk you away, back to that very moment, that tiny section in your life's saga.

Your emotions react to every beat, every lyric; while your body feels that moment in time. That moment you shared, that moment you lost. The feel of your clothes against your body, the look on his face, the love you felt. Smells are brought back strong and potent; emotions take a leap backwards and consume your nerves. Every part of your body. Your mood is instantly affected as your emotions overwhelm your senses with past desires, wants and worries. You are encapsulated in that moment. Your present emotional being becomes insignificant as you peer through a lens, watching your past replay.

I once thought that moment was nothing, and yet I am reminded of it every time that song plays. I have moved passed, forgetting, and wiping the slate clear. But as the song plays I pause and take it all in. I smile as the notes touch my heart, I do not remember it in pain. I remember that moment in time we shared, when you were mine and I was yours.

As it ends, my body is released from a bubble of my past. I am left with an emotion so sweet that ended a long time ago. It reminds me that its possible and when it’s my turn it will be back again.

Do not remember those moments in pain. They happened to prepare us for something. Something we could never understand at that moment. Don’t run away from the lyrical memories; take it in and breathe. All these moments are important. But don’t linger too long, your future is much too important. Learn to live in the now.

Quickies

I was too blind to see,
What’s not easy
Was never meant to be.

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Too good to be true. To hard to be good.
A connection so strong waiting to be caught.
Gaining momentum, lingering there

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a roller coaster going through the inclines and drops. Funny, I don’t remember buying a ticket or taking my seat. What happened.

Masquerading as a friend

She reads you like an open book, knowing which way you will turn, what path you will take before you’ve even chosen.

She gives you water as you run your marathon and then awaits you at the finish line when you have achieved your goal. Arms wide open.

She anticipates your falls and has the bandages out and ready before you’ve been hurt. Helping you back on your feet, she’s there smiling back at you.

She does not judge you or waste time in anger. She is happy and radiates joy.

She is your best friend, your other half, a guardian angel. The girl of your dreams. You just can’t see it.

History Has No Future

They flicker and capture each moment tattered and torn. Like antique cameras they record every moment through distorted lenses. Foggy glass and sharp scratches become an authentic certainty, transforming the truth.

This is my false reality, I envision through jaded eyes.

Beginning so pure, once so innocent; crushed by each experience. I can still sense the Good, its still somewhere out there. Although I can not see it anymore.

So I continue to search, eyes closed to my surroundings trying not to be swallowed up into what we only believe to be real.

Slowly removing the picture of what once was, what ought to be and piecing it back together the haze begins to fade. Piece after piece through eyes of clarity.

Judgments will not cloud this truth. My experiences will no longer control my world. Instead I see everything as it is as I wait for the indescribable to find me.

Blank Pages

Sitting here staring at blank pages, the words won’t come to me as they once did. Thoughts, stories and poems float through my consciousness but not making the fight to reality. For now they hide from the world protected from the harsh realities and the fakeness that surrounds me. They will not appear; putting ink to paper will not do them justice.

Instead my minds clustered with mixed emotions, half finished stories and broken thoughts of what could be, what once was and what never will be.

My ideas come in waves, taking over my body, my soul until they are released to make their powerful mark in the minds of readers? Nothingness follows, empty and drained. Wanting nothing more than to produce works of art.

Here I stand starring at a brick wall that has no top. There is no way to get around, no way over. I am stuck with the difficulties of my actions, my words and my thoughts, only smashing down the barrier when the time is right.

Bare and bloody hands bash through the brick, through the cement, through my thoughts and my images of a life that has so many ups and downs. Each hill and valley taking a little more than the one before.

I know what must be done, but my strength is not here yet. I wait patiently as I have before. Holding on to words, unspoken actions and the idea of what could be. Unveiling myself when the time is right, waiting for the moment.

Unclear beauty

The sun shines through the fog, beating its way beyond and to the ground. Water shimmers, a mirror from below. Wind blows a bone chilling, cool, refreshing, crisp air that whistles around and attacks everything in its way. Flags dance in pairs playing, the only one enjoying with the wind. The world goes on around them, not even noticing the subtle beauty hiding in the obvious.

Timeless Image

A glance of your face in reflections surrounds me,
a second look.
A ghostly figure, once there, quickly fades away,
gone.
Close my eyes tight, you’re still there,
holding on.

How did I get here?
What have I done again?
A heart that aches, reliving moments of you.
Pulled in all directions,
broken and torn.

You’re here with me,
in my reflection.
Our hearts are joined, minds running circles.
Tag,
your turn.

A round and a round we go

Up
Down
Around we go
but always leading back to you

Forwards
Backwards
Sideways and upside down
I always find my way to you

Running in circles
Taking my time
Zig and Zagging right to you

Lost Hope

Time assaults his body like the relentless beating of a bat.
Eyes hang in sorrow
Stubble takes over his rosy cheeks

He smells of rank liquor,
dirt and rotten food.
He walks with hesitation,
pain in each step.

You do not know him,
or his frightening story.
You don’t even take notice as he fades into the scenery.

He doesn’t ask for anything.
Making his way the best he can.
His battle ended long ago and yet time slowly ticks on.

He is in every city,
every dark hopeless alley.

You’ve seen him and ignored him,
continuing to live in a illusion of what really is.

But stop
and think.
He might be someones dad
He is a son to his parents
An uncle, a friend.

He is here as you and I
With a purpose to find, a route to travel.

Yet sometimes we need help along the way
A kind reminder that we’re in it together

Think twice
Next time you see him
When you react to his broken smile
To an outer exterior masking what truly lies beneath.

Not a dream

In a big arm chair she rests. Gazing upon the world through hollow glass and cynical eyes. There are no marks, no signs it even happened as memories play back in an endless loop. What was so blurry seems so clear. Sometimes.

Wondering off in all directions, a heart torn, mind in pieces. Battling herself.

What has come of this, it must have a purpose, a greater reason for happening. She could have died in that moment. Yet the truck somersaulted across the snow bank and came to a stop passengers in tact.

A winkled page in the saga of HER. Blank pages rest beside, just waiting to be written. Her story is powerful. Her story is struggle.

Listen to her words. Hidden here between the lines. Take notes from her lessons but do not follow in her footprints. A road less traveled.

Holding On

I pretend that I am guarded. An impenetrable fortress.
Yet I am open to world, giving too much to people that don't deserve.
My heart a spectacle on display in an emotional parade,
everyone watching from the sidelines.

A Fake Reflection

Nervous emotions send static shocks through my body.
Heart beats steady and strong.
A drum that keeps a tempo for life
Relentlessly taking the beatings.
Never missing a beat

Unstable thoughts show how fragile I am
Shhh, it’s only for me to see.

You see me as strong and confident
A beautiful woman that has conquered much.

I see broken wings
Weakness in an emotional tornado.

Holding on to an image she presents it to the whole
But hides the truth.