Emptied Life

Hit me hard and please wake me up
Pinch me, shake me and don’t let go.
This can’t be happening.

I can’t feel a thing and yet I’m gonna be sick.

I can’t

I can’t

I can’t

Until now I didn’t have any regrets.

Must be done

The darkness brings a pain lie no other
As the clouds turn gray and release buckets upon buckets I can’t help but think they represent how I feel.
Stormy clouds settle in and are here to stay, permanently pouring down pain.

I lye awake in my bed thinking of you. I didn’t mean to hurt you the way that I did.
Tears fall freely, I have no control now, I’ve lost another one on my search for something… something that I cannot explain.

I double think my decisions wondering if it’s right.
Assuring myself, that I don’t know what I’m doing any more.

Sad songs play on as I try to become unconscious.
Not aware that my dreams are here to torment me
No rest for now.

Keeping busy makes days pass faster, when 2 days feels like months between us.

I wish I could take away your pain, show you something better is on its way. Because as my past has shown, your one is on its way to find you, just wait.

Contained on the inside

I sit here thinking
Stressing over the idea that I could never bare to loose a friend.
I value you, your opinion and our friendship more than anything.
I was torn at what to do, not sure what you’d think,
Didn’t want to hide something so simple.

I was honest and so were you
I didn’t want any awkwardness
I understand where you are coming from and fully respect it
I love that you look out for me like that, my bestest.


I feel alone yet surrounded by too much family
So I put up a façade, not letting anyone know what truly lies below.
You know the true me and see how I ache inside
With out any words from my mouth you know me too well
I don’t know how you do it
but thank you

Right now, the company is a breath of fresh air
Minds cleared
I’m not that girl
If that’s what he wants he’ll soon find out that’s not what he’s gonna get.
No strings attached


Please trust that no matter what I will be ok
Things will be ok
I’m guarded and not that simple
We used to always say everything happens for a reason; maybe that’s just it

I look to you, I hope that's ok
I have nowhere else to turn.

Not to end

Hold on please
I see that look in your eye
I don’t want to let you go

I’m not ready to loose our conversations, advice you give and your quirky sayings.

Tell me stories
I want to know more
Relive your memories here with me

I still see a spark, lingering there
But need to see more
Show me the will to hold on and be strong,
The one I’ve seen before

I will battle it to the death for you
I can’t let go, I won’t but I need your help

It can’t win if you don’t let it.
Your powerful, it's down there within

I can’t live without you, I’m not ready to loose you.

I want to see the smile in your eyes when I marry a boy I don’t know yet
You have to see me pregnant and meet my fist born child

More time in life’s precious moments with you by my side

I love you too much, I can’t let go.

Backwards

Feeling the urge to call you and you
To get back that old security blanket and find comfort where I did once before

But that blankets long since burned
Tattered to shreds and singed to bits

Its not there any longer
Only fading memories of safety and warmth

Talking to myself
I hold it all in,
One long winded conversation after another

Thoughts surround me
In front, below, behind and overhead
Challenging the facts and emotion struck ideas

Scribbling them out
I can’t push mute,
No button to pause
No emergency hatch

I want the easy
I want my one
But I can not see him?

My angel not a friend

Nope not yet
I’m not ready
Can’t deal with the stress or the thought of nothing
I need somewhere to lean on
To take these thoughts from my head

I see it waiting there
As I barricade the door
Go away