Without an answer…

I think I’m little too jaded by my past. These things that I have moved past still haunt me when I’m not paying attention. Stuck here on these pages I ramble on and keep dumping this torment on you.

I’m sick of being stuck; putting so much effort in for others and not getting anything back. It hurts when you find yourself alone too much, loosing more inch by inch as time passes.

I am tough when I lie to the world around me about my thick skin. I bleed just as easy when no ones looking.

I’ve learned to parade around, bending the truth, displaying this mannequin as my true identity. I can’t remember the last time I was me, no holding back. I look out for others but don’t know how to look out for myself.

Truth is you wouldn’t even recognize me if you met me. My act edited for every detail. Seeing this transpire… a car crash you can’t take your eyes off.

I don’t know what I want, or what can fix this labyrinth I navigate through daily. Stopping stopping to translate this mess. I spill through my fingers to liberate the pressure.

?Me? ?Myself? & ??

It’s amazing the conversations you hold in you head for no one else to hear, every word unsaid. Contemplating life, everyday choices, what’s happening and where to go.

I imagine how things could be different, where I might be, who I could be. I yearn to live in the moment, fly off the handle and act irrationally. Instead I require planning and too much control over my own destiny, am I asking too much?

I’m learning to let go and relax within each situation; my life is mine to make what I want.

I’ll admit I’m a little lost, unable right now to read where I should go.

My commitments here, keep me locked in place. Even though my soul fights to be free. I need to find my escape, my something to discover. For I feel as if I’m settling for the life of the norm.

I desire to be carefree and to do as I please. To speak my mind, affect the life of others and to make a difference.

It’s all happening too slowly. Am I stuck in one place? Or can I not see what I already have?

I will find my answers, when it’s time, here reading between the lines.

Safeguard

I sprinkle my fairy dust over you to keep you safe
This way you’ll keep while I’m gone

My effect on you and all the others goes unnoticed until there’s no dust let to save you from yourself

Everything comes crashing down as it all blows away
No tiny grains left to ease the damage
Not knowing or understanding what’s going on, you call out for help
Seeking your angel once again.

Reaching for me, sometimes feels too far
Taking all your strength
Careful not to fall, you grab your guardian once again

Holding me by the hand, shielded by my power
Encased by gentle wings

Craving the protection, my power to relieve your pain
Careful with what you do
Don’t drain me down, I can not deny your needs