Love ramblings

My mind runs miles re-thinking past loves. Those loves “in the moment” “loves for a lifetime” and “love for the one.” I re create my past decisions wondering if it could have gone any other way, if there was something I should have, could have done to change something I once knew. The feelings were real within those moments I shared. But were they real enough to last forever, to build a tomorrow on? Well, I guess not. Because if they were, wouldn’t they be here with me? Or shouldn’t they be here no matter what I did, thought I did, wouldn’t they fight? I wait, I wait for that feeling to last longer. For me to never feel the need to let go? Why is something so simple so hard? Maybe that’s it, maybe I have never known an equal love. Maybe my past is filled with unbalanced giving and taking. Taking more of me as each new “love” comes my way until there is no more me. I’m lost.