Dreaming of what used to be

Tell me your weaknesses I’ll tell you mine.

Hold them in your hands carefully

This trust is broken when hurtful words hit hard

Your cruel behavior purposely chosen to slash my heart and make me bleed

These truths I told you now used as weapons

Slowly eat away at the love I once had for you

You tear each bit without hesitation

Watching me crumble, while feeling satisfaction

Never thought the one I cared for could act this way

Don’t know how much longer I can hold on to this happy faded image of what once was

I grasp onto it with all my might

How can you look straight at me and hurt me so

After all that I have done

All that I continue to do

All that you say you want

I’m falling away faster than you care to notice

Hurts It Stings

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You’re words are so hurtful

You really have no idea

Instead you use this tool like mass weapons

Aimed to do their worst

Stop

It’s time to turn off and block things coming from you

I see your lips move

So I create nothing but silence

Looking closer I try to read what you speak

Stop

Block those lips and fade them out

You’re just a figure standing in front of me

Silent with rage, infused with anger and ready to strike

You can’t strike when there’s no target for you to take aim

I’m stronger than this, won’t take it no more

Beat me down and I’ll try harder to tower over you

You know how to hurt me, what things to say and how to talk

Now blocked, you have no ammunition left

Needing to stop this for my own sanity

An impenetrable force field

Undeniable malfunction

Up, down. Side to side.

A fractured machine bouncing place to place

Creating misfit endings

and undone beginnings

Needing repair, ignored dismay

Pushed forward to work yet another day

Rattled banging, clashing pieces.

Dents and cracks no longer superficial

Trudging through with no end destination

Shards and fragments left behind

No longer producing end results

Failing to prevail

Two paths to be chosen

Stuck at the cross road

tittering on the edge.

Desires so far from reality

My head’s spinning.
I have nothing else to give
I’m numb with emotion
An art I once knew well lost in time and forgotten

I don’t know what to do or where to turn
I can’t feel
I want to throw up
Breaking out of learning to care
Learning to forget to make an effort
Coasting through in monotone

Unrestrained Thoughts

Each_Step_Planned_Out
Over thought and analyzed
Organized meticulously
Decisions strategically manicured

And just like that, the glass shatters
Reality ruptures, mind snaps, followed with illogical actions

Cruel words come rushing though a dam now fractured
Flooding to, searching for, bystanders in the way

Relentless and shocking storms hit hard
Radiating from her body
Heart beat rages, body heats

Relief comes as the flood finally reaches her eyes
Broken, realizing what damage has been done

Bowing her head, ashamed, devastated
A control much harder to plan

Matriarch

My eyes swell up, consumed by tears by the thought of you
The mention of your name
Passing by your familiar places
A reflection I thought I saw

How has it been a year without you?
I don’t know how I’ve done it
Without your wise advice and companionship

It was you that held the family together
The wise figure reining over us all

I wanted more time with you
Its not fair they too you

This will never be easy as I’m forced to live without you

Missing you always and
Loving you so

Chaotic Restraint

Deep breaths don’t calm the inside
Now what’s on your mind?

Impatience something difficult to over come
When nothing comes out except for manifested, unrealistic worries

A firm grip so far from reach
I like the pain
Use to the hurt
Play simplistic charades with the world

Fairytales looming in the back of my mind
Come to tragic ends in reality

Sneak away to another life
My dreams keep me safe

Living comfortably between these sheets